The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy outside NY Life building: You have to entrance a man with your pussy… or your voice.

–26th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Seeking Dating Advice

Ghetto guy to date: I eat pussy for 40 minutes!

–The Frying Pan

Overheard by: Aly

Irate woman on cell: I ain't a size two anymore! This shit be hurtin my ass, and my vah-jay-jay!

–6th Ave & 38th St

Girl to another: If you were a stranger, I'd punch you in the vagina.

–D Train

Father to teenage son: There will be plenty more pussy to come, you just need to get your swagger back.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mister Pants

Posted on February 17, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Punch, Street, Teens, Threats, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Next: “Baby Weight“

20-something Asian girl #1: People don't lose their baby fat until they are, like, 20.
20-something Asian girl #2: Yeah, I lost some my freshman year.
20-something Asian girl #1: Yeah, now it is just, like, fat.

–Uptown R Train

Overheard by: No Baby Fat

Posted on February 16, 2010
Age/Aging, Asians, Diet/Weight, Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Time

The Only Number You Care About Is Your Trust Fund

Guy #1, jogging: Come on, man. We've got to hurry. We only have three minutes.
Guy #2, taking his time: I have no reason to run, 4:20 is just a number to me.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 15, 2010
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Fitness, Guys, Time

As Long As I Have TV, Reality Can Go Fuck Itself

Stringy-haired teen in waiting room: See? We got here an hour early and we're still sitting here.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
Stringy-haired teen: My stomach hurts. That chocolate I ate today upset my stomach.
Trashy mom: That's what you get for eating chocolate at eight am.
Stringy-haired teen: I woke up at six, ate some, then went back to bed. Then I woke up at eight and finished it.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.

–Dentist Office, Brooklyn

Posted on February 11, 2010
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Moms, Office, Parents, Teens, Time

Better Prepare for Your Troll Years, Sally

Boyfriend: 30 years from now I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.
Girlfriend: Why? 'cause I'll be 51?
Boyfriend: Yes. You'll be ugly!

–Grand Central Terminal

Posted on February 8, 2010
Age/Aging, Beauty, Couples, Grand Central, Physical appearance, Time, Train Station, Violence

Why Google Calendar Exists

Girl #1 to group of friends: Wait, I'm confused. Who here is evil today?
Girl #2: Me.
Girl #1: Just you?
Girl #2: Yeah, it's Thursday.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 1, 2010
Brooklyn, Girls, Questions, Time, Weirdness

January Is Foursome Month

Gay guy #1: Would you be mad if I told you I had a threesome in December?
Gay guy #2: No. But if you told me you had a threesome in January I would be.

–9th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: Chelsea Girl

Posted on January 22, 2010
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Three is Company, Time

God's Great; Church Is Bullshit

Small boy, after lengthy service: That was so long. Why did we have to wait so long?
Father: Well, it's all part of worshiping god.
Small boy: I hate god.

–St. Luke's Church, The Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 19, 2010
Church, Dads, God, Gripes, Kids, Parents, The Village, Time

Wednesday One-Liners: a Space Odyssey

30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megan

Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?

–Ave A & 8th St

Overheard by: Daniella

Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: furf

Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!

–West Village

Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.

–1st Ave & 1 St

Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.

–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman

Overheard by: Heather H.

Posted on January 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Astronomy, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friends, Guys, Height, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle