Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn

Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: J. Ann

Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka.

–106th & Columbus

Overheard by: Shmoop

Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.

–17th & 5th

Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes.

–Elevator, 120 Wall St

Overheard by: Aubrie

Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.

–1 train

Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.

–Washington & Charles

Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.

–Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on March 30, 2015
Beauty, Friendship, Ghetto Chicks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Marriage, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Pop Culture, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Starbucks, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Although I Hear They Serve You Cocktails

Teen girl #1: Having a disease must suck.
Teen girl #2: Yeah. If I had AIDS, I would die.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Snoopy

Posted on March 30, 2015
AIDS, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships

Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St

Overheard by: MK

Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Overheard by: Mollena

Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.

–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave

B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas

Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.

–West Building, Hunter College

Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on March 29, 2015
Anger Management, B & T, Central Park, College, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hunter, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, People, Places, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Do I Hear the Pitter Patter Of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners?

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Posted on March 29, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Sex, STDs, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

In Short

80 year-old Italian teacher: You like fluorescent colors a lot, yes?
Girl: Yeah, I love them. They're great.
80 year-old Italian teacher: There are also people who love midgets. I know. It's an unfortunate love.

–Cooper Union, East Village

Posted on March 27, 2015
Colors, Girls, Handicaps, Love, Old People, Questions, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village

I Know It Was Just My Eggs Crying Out in the Wilderness

Girl #1: You guys only dated a month, you can't really call that a relationship.
Girl #2: Well, I wanted to marry him.
Girl #1: I hate when that happens.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Posted on March 27, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Girls, Marriage, Relationships, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

I Lost.

Guy #1: What did you do with her after dinner?
Guy #2: We went back to my place for game of “just the tip.”

–4th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Aussieguy

Posted on March 27, 2015
Dating, Guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Teenage Lobotomy, the Aftermath

Queer: Who’s Joey Ramone?
Hipster girl: Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Queer: Uh, no. Who is he?
Hipster girl: He’s a singer! He was like, in some huge band in the ’80s!
Queer: What band?
Hipster girl: Um…
Queer: See? You don’t know who the hell he is either. You don’t even know what band he was in.
Hipster girl: It’s on the tip of my tongue…
Queer: Sure.
Hipster girl: Oh well, I can’t think of it. I think he’s dead now anyway. Who cares.

–Irving Plaza

Overheard by: i hope they were joking