Upper East Side

Hobo: I never should have left Kansas City.

–85th between 2nd & 3rd

Girl #1: I mean, really, she was doing cocaine at her father’s memorial service.
Girl #2: I know. Me and Ashley were like, “We’re no prudes, but there’s such a thing as decorum.”

–84th & Madison

High school girl #1: Did you see Juno?
High school girl #2: Oh my god! I loved it! Especially that song they sang!
High school girl #1: I know! I always try to get my boyfriend to sing like that with me, but he just tells me to get on my knees.

–79th & Lex

Russian guy on cell: Who wouldn’t want to fuck me? I’m tall, handsome, talkative, and intelligent. Hell I want to fuck myself.

–68th & 1st

Overheard by: laura holden

Blonde: So you mean Alaska’s not an island right above Hawaii?
Brunette: How did you graduate college, again?
Blonde: Well, I wasn’t a geography major. Gosh!

–96th & Madison

Overheard by: amused

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York?

–61st & 5th

Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen

Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one?

–Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street

White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same.

–184th & Bennett

Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on!

–French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street

Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Four-year-old boy: I’m tired.
Serious mom: You can’t be tired. It’s Halloween.

–95th & 3rd

Overheard by: acep

Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later.

–89th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben A

Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs."

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: iwn2000

Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole!

–Broadway

Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army…

–Millennium High School

Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!

–Central Park

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

Rich girl #1: It was so ANNOYING! I mean, boom, eighty bucks!
Rich girl #2: I hate losing money! Where were you?
Rich girl #1: Shopping.
Rich girl #2: I hate when that happens.

–Starbucks, 59th & Columbus