Upper East Side

Ghetto mother to obnoxiously loud child: Stop it! Stop it! I said stop it! Oooh, girl I am gonna sell yo ass for a Lexus and a mansion if you don't stop!

–L Train

Mother to small child lagging behind: Do you want to go home with another family?

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: shopgirl

Grandmother to small grandson: You went potty, Nietzsche? That's very good. Nana is coming over later, Nietzsche.

–Carl Schurz Park

Mother, to kid peeing on street: Michael, we don't pee on other people's doors!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Nikki

Mother, to kid looking at toys: It's not a toilet, it's to make cupcakes.

–Toys "R" US, Times Square

Overheard by: Howie

Father, to five-year-old son: I had no idea you liked AC/DC!

–Penn Station

Mother, to son in stroller watching two shady characters: Oh, a drug deal! Sam*, your first drug deal encounter.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: andrew daly

Short Latina: …and you know what, if she keeps on doing what she doing, I'm a put a sue on her.
Fat Latina: Mmm-hmmm!

–100th & Lexington

Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.

–80th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peg

Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.

–54th & 8th

Overheard by: James

Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?

–Times Square

Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Marie

Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.

–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens

(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss…I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but… What?
Man: I'm just say'n.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: BobbyKane

Boyfriend: Love you.
Girlfriend: Love you too.
Boyfriend: Love your rack too.
Girlfriend: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.

–82nd & 1st

Overheard by: Cocomo

Headline by: Ross

Runners-Up:
· “How the Hat-Check Girl Was Won Over…” – Earthborn
· “Low Expectations Can Be Surprisingly Rewarding…” – Sphaeron
· “Pipe Down, I Didn’t Say I Loved Your Mouth” – Daniel Patterson
· “That’s the Same Thing Your Sister Said!” – cafn8ed
· “The Deepest Conversation Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Have Ever Had” – rudegrl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

20-something guy to date: Yeah, I had mine done by a real mohel.
20-something girl, awkwardly: Oh, really?
20-something guy: Yep, the guy's whole job is to go around chopping off babies' dicks.

–American Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: dream profession?

Woman screaming into cell: I hate fucking with you!
Man loitering near by scaffolding: Yo ma! Cut him loose. There's a million men in New York City.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Tizz

UES middle aged lady #1: Oh hi! I haven't seen you in so long! How are you?
UES middle aged lady #2: Not so great, my husband just told me he's gay.

–Duane Reade, 1st & 72nd

(moon is covered by a cloud)
Five-year-old boy: Where is the moon?
Mom (looking everywhere): Once it's full it goes back to the beginning, so no moon tonight.

–86th & 5th

Overheard by: Stephanie

Girl #1: Is it paranoid to think that my mother is poisoning me?
Girl #2: No, not at all.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Mariya