200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 15, 2008
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Fears, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, On Cell, Race, Sex, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weed, West Village, Wishes & desires

And Stop Bringing Refugees Home With You–They Don't Get Along With the Cats

Louis Vuitton-carrying mother: Now I'm going to a halal meat market in Brooklyn next week!
Louis Vuitton-carrying daughter: I want to go to a halal market! Ever since I wrote my thesis I just love refugees!
Mother: Halal markets are for Muslims, not refugees!
Daughter: Well, close enough.

–75th & Lexington

Posted on October 14, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Ethnic Food, Girls, Insults, Islam, Moms, Upper East Side

Then We Should Tell Our Parents What We Did!

College girl: When we get back to the dorm, let's eat a bunch of stupid snacks.
College guy: Yeah, not smart snacks like Nurti-Grain bars, but stupid snacks like Pop-Tarts and Easy Mac.
College girl: Sooo stupid.

–110th & Lexington

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on October 13, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Frat Boys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Works Great With an Electric Sander

Boy #1: Dude, I want a personal ball-washer.
Boy #2: That's not sexy. That shit hurts!
Boy #1: What hurts? Washing your balls does not hurt.
Boy #2: It does if you do a good job.
Boy #1: There's something wrong with you.
Boy #2: It hurts if you get a good scrub in!
Boy #1: What kind of soap do you use?
Boy #2: Zest, cuz that shit smells delicious.

–67th & 2nd

Overheard by: glad i'm not a boy

Posted on October 12, 2008
Balls, Boys, Default, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Fuck Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with Strings

Girl #1: A hot, sweaty penis is the best feeling.
Girl #2: I know what you mean!

–Starbucks, 78th & Lexington

Posted on October 9, 2008
Default, Girls, Penis, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Upper East Side

Three Blind Wednesday One-Liners

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.

–Central Park

Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.

–W 4th St Station

Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.

–96th & Broadway Subway Platform

Overheard by: sueinthecity

Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.

–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown

Dude: I was raised with rodents.

–Hunter College

Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!

–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Central Park, Chinatown, Dads, Education, Fashion, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Hunter, Italians, Kids, Men, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Had One-Liners for the Tax Exemptions

Ghetto mother to obnoxiously loud child: Stop it! Stop it! I said stop it! Oooh, girl I am gonna sell yo ass for a Lexus and a mansion if you don't stop!

–L Train

Mother to small child lagging behind: Do you want to go home with another family?

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: shopgirl

Grandmother to small grandson: You went potty, Nietzsche? That's very good. Nana is coming over later, Nietzsche.

–Carl Schurz Park

Mother, to kid peeing on street: Michael, we don't pee on other people's doors!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Nikki

Mother, to kid looking at toys: It's not a toilet, it's to make cupcakes.

–Toys "R" US, Times Square

Overheard by: Howie

Father, to five-year-old son: I had no idea you liked AC/DC!

–Penn Station

Mother, to son in stroller watching two shady characters: Oh, a drug deal! Sam*, your first drug deal encounter.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: andrew daly

Posted on October 8, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Compliments, Dads, Drugs, Etiquette, Ghetto Chicks, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Parks, Pee, Penn Station, Philosophy, Poop, Questions, Store, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Bust a Lawyer in Her Ass

Short Latina: …and you know what, if she keeps on doing what she doing, I'm a put a sue on her.
Fat Latina: Mmm-hmmm!

–100th & Lexington

Posted on October 2, 2008
Crime and Punishment, Default, Fat People, Girls, Latinos, Threats, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Jaywalk, They Strut

Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.

–80th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peg

Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.

–54th & 8th

Overheard by: James

Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?

–Times Square

Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Marie

Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.

–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens

(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Old People, Only in New York, Queens, Threats, Times Square, Tourists, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women

Men and Women Define “Relationship” Differently

Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss…I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but… What?
Man: I'm just say'n.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: BobbyKane

Posted on September 30, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Jobs & Careers, Men, Only in New York, Relationships, Upper East Side, Women

Upper East Side