Guy, listening to ambiguous sound: Was that your face or your ass?
Girl: That was my vagina.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Chelsea
Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.
–Bard High School Early College
Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.
–6 train
Overheard by: Carol
Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.
–Whiskey Park, Central Park South
Overheard by: Argopelter
Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.
–Houston & Sullivan
Overheard by: lish
Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.
–Starbucks, 44th & 9th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy #1: Did I tell you I saw a woman’s pussy on the train today?
Guy #2: Nah, man.
Guy #1: Yeah, this chick sat opposite me in the shortest skirt, and her pussy was just like, BAM! There!
Guy #2: No way! She had no panties?
Guy #1: Of course. She was Hispanic.
Guy #2: Was that shit shaved?
Guy #1: I… uhhh… It was definitely buzzed.
–12th & Washington
Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.
–Staten Island Ferry snack bar
Overheard by: Stephanie
Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!
–117th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?
–Super Bowl Parade
Overheard by: No idea
Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.
–F train
Overheard by: Terrorized
Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.
–1 train, Grand Central
Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?
–52nd & 2nd
Overheard by: NCS
Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!
–60th & 5th
Overheard by: Rich
Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lickety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Blind weelbo: Amaaazing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…
–F train
Overheard by: Sara
Large thug, singing in falsetto: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a lifetime to get ooover youuu…
–Milano Market, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Talentless busker, singing: All my loving, I will send to you… All my loving, darling, I’ll be true [tries to whistle instrumental break, and fails]. My lip! There’s something wrong with my lip!
–63rd & Lex Ave station
Overheard by: Aloof Loner
Tall foreign model #1: … And we nicknamed each other’s, you know, junk…
Tall foreign model #2: Really? What does he call yours?
Tall foreign model #1: He keeps calling it ‘Gina’ — I don’t get why.
Tall foreign model #2: Huh.
–12th & 4th
Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.
–28th & Steinway
Overheard by: coinberg
Guy on date: So, are you really a Mormon?
Girl on date: Yeah.
Guy on date: Does that mean you don’t have sex?
Girl on date: Well, not vaginally.
–Mulberry & Grand
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
