Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Old lady, standing in front of the Leda and the Swan statue: Gee, I guess she must really like that swan.
–The Met
Frat boy: She was real “Helen of Troy” pussy.
–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: the fiend
Woman #1: On days as hot as this, it’s okay not to wear panties!
Woman #2: I don’t know about that. I like to keep it all in there.
Woman #3: Yeah, I agree. I don’t want anything to be drippin’.
–Willoughby & Carlton, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BZD
Mother, passing vendor cart: Wow, that smells good! That’s the only thing here that smells good. That meat could be pussy and, smelling that good, I’d eat it! [They pass a fish stand.] Dammit! My twat smells better than that!!
–Canal St
Overheard by: The Un-Tourist
Teen girl, passing poster that says “La Vigna”: Look, Mom, it says “La Vagina”!
Mom, looking at poster: People are sick.
–New Yorker Hotel, 35th & 8th
Overheard by: Hannah Banana
South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.
–the Bronx
Overheard by: Scullface
Girl on cell: Yeah, but I’ve gotta get out of these pants first. The crotch is wet and I don’t wanna get mad yeast.
— 85th & York
Overheard by: Ivan
Professor: You need to find your special place.
–Shepard Hall, City College
Girl on cell: You definitely could. You have a wider-set vagina than I do.
–65th Ave & Parsons Blvd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Pete
Old lady on cell: Did you remove the tick from the genital area?
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Utah
Girl: Whatever, it’s disgusting. I mean, you can cum in my butt but not in my vag.
–Q train
Woman: I have sex in my vagina, not in my bottom!
–Prospect Park
Twentysomething girl: What is the nastiest thing you can think of?
Twentysomething guy: A bloody vagina fart.
–Blake & Todd, 45th & Vanderbilt
Overheard by: Nick Bradham
Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees?
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Janelle Someone
