Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners

Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?

–Hunter College

Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!

–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn

Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stina

Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Philip Niosi

Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.

–The Village, near Mulberry

Overheard by: DC Diva

Posted on February 21, 2007
About Celebrities, Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Celebrities, College, Death, Film, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Movie Theaters, Movies, NYU, On Cell, Pop Culture, Queers, Students, The Village, Times Square, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

They Teach Their Captives How to Cook, Clean, and Care for Infants

Midlife crisis #1: So, she met this really nice guy at a UFO convention.
Midlife crisis #2: Oh, really?
Midlife crisis #1: Yeah. He claimed he was abducted by Artylians.
Midlife crisis #2: Oh! That helps.

–Waiting area, NY Penn

Posted on January 14, 2007
Dating, Guys, Penn Station, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

NewsFlash: Demons Discriminate against Women, NOW Files Suit

Woman: And you know what’s worse?
Man: What?
Woman: All the demons are male. Always. I mean, how unfair is that? It’s fucking retarded.

–B75 bus

Posted on January 12, 2007
Gender issues, Idiots, Insults, Men, On the Bus, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Women

Tales from Wednesday One-Liners’ Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

–C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

–Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

–L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.

–58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on December 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cashiers, Drunks, Global Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Innuendo, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Store, The Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

He Dresses as a Postal Employee for Halloween

Little boy: Look, Mommy, that man is dressed up as the UPS man for Halloween!
UPS man: No, this is my life.

–Rockefeller Center Concourse

Overheard by: Micaela

Posted on December 3, 2006
9 to 5-ers, Clothing, Comebacks, Kids, Rockefeller Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Never Trust a Junkie

Mom: What’s the candy situation?
Trick-or-treating child: More! More! More!

–69th & Columbus

Posted on December 1, 2006
Kids, Moms, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

She Could Turn Back to a Scullery-Maid at Any Moment

Black guy #1: It ain’t Halloween until you hit the ground.
Black guy #2 to friend trying to help a drunken princess: Don’t touch the white girl!

–7th & Greenwich

Posted on November 30, 2006
Black People, Drunks, Girls, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday One-Liners Are ‘Persons of Interest’

Nu-metal kid: Man, I haven’t been arrested in so long!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Barrie

Teen boy commandeering speaker: Next stop: Riker’s Island.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Victoria

Black tranny to another: Honey, that’s the worst thing you can be called up in jail!

–Christopher & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Walking away even faster

Ghetto mom on phone: If you report it they’ll have to arrest the both of us.

–Cablevision office, Brooklyn

Middle-aged wankster: Yo, I rubbed ‘Get Money Oil’ on my apron one time, and that week I got fired from fuckin’ three jobs and I got fuckin’ arrested! Don’t fuckin’ mess with witchcraft!

–Coldstone, 6th Avenue

Overheard by: rpk

Old teacher: Teaching tenth grade isn’t so bad. By that time the rotten ones don’t bother to show up or they’re already in jail.

–E train

Overheard by: jobee

White, mid-40s nerd petting dog: You know, I think it’s really funny how a guy can pet a dog and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the second he does it to a stranger on the street, they wanna lock him in jail.

–Marquet Cafe, E 12th St.

Overheard by: Grace