Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday Once-Upon-a-Time Liners

Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?

–92nd St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Gordon D

Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!

–3 Train

Overheard by: I waved

Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Harper

Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.

–57th St b/w 5th & 6th

Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!

–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry

Overheard by: Laura

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!

–Prospect Park:

Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!

–Brooklyn Zoo

Overheard by: Snoog

“Twats on Broomsticks”? I Think We've Found Our Band Name!

Girl #1, before movie: I don't even know what this movie is about.
Girl #2: I told you already–it's based on these books, they're kind of like Harry Potter, except with vampires.
Girl #1, after movie: That was nothing like Harry Potter. Harry Potter is twats on broomsticks. That was softcore porn.

–AMC Loews

Men Of the Cloth Call That Crucifiction

Reverend: God was too big to die. So he lives, and so it's an empty cross.
Child: (asks unheard question)
Reverend: Well, you could use them against vampires too.

–First Presbyterian Church, 5th Ave

Ghost Whisperer Gets Worse Every Week

Young boy to dad: Dad, I am still really concerned about that ghost we saw earlier.
Dad to boy: It was just your grandmother, I've told you!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

But It's a Required Screening Question for Prospective Adoptive Parents

Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Ryan

On Dark Nights, Wednesday One-Liners Walk the Streets

50-something suit on cell: So, are you coming or do you have to zombie-proof the apartment again?

–Downtown 6 Train

Youngish guy all in black: Vampires are so 90s. (female companion nods emphatically)

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emily

Guy yelling to people dressed as zombies: Are there any fine zombies there that want to suck my dick?

–Union Square

Girl in Santa costume: Where are my fucking elves?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen girl to friend: Well there are so many leprechauns at that school anyway, what do you really expect?

–Xavier High School

Overheard by: isa

Ann Coulter: The Tour Guide Years

Local: Over there is yon castle. Scientists believe that the castle is haunted by the ghosts of unwed mothers.
Tourist: Sounds scary.
Local: You are wise to fear it.

–The Great Lawn, Central Park

Pop Quiz: Which Olsen Sister Is Real?

Shaggy 20-something #1: I am your curse.
Shaggy 20-something #2: Curse?
Shaggy 20-something #1: I'm not real. This is you talking.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: Did I imagine someone's imaginary friend?

And It Didn't Help That Her Native-American Last Name Was 'Of the West'

Old Man: “Esmerelda”? That sounds like a witch's name.
Old Man #2: My ex-wife's name was Esmerelda…talk about a witch!

–Sweet Life Cafe, Christopher Street

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

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