Guy #1: Dude, Rick was totally shitting blood at my house last night…
Guy #2: It must be from all those guys he sucks off…
Guy #3: Totally!
–Midtown
Guy #1: Dude, Rick was totally shitting blood at my house last night…
Guy #2: It must be from all those guys he sucks off…
Guy #3: Totally!
–Midtown
Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored.
–W 15th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Thompson
Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch.
–58th St & 9th Ave
11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air.
–7 Train
Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Tyler
Mom, reading magazine: You heard of Twilight? Is it good?
Kid: Dunno. I don't think you'd like it. It's got kissing. And vampires.
–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
Overheard by: Quack
Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter?
–John Jay College of Criminal Justice
Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo)
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again.
–Amtrak Train, Penn station
Overheard by: Madge
Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later.
–94th St & Broadway
Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?
–92nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Gordon D
Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!
–3 Train
Overheard by: I waved
Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Harper
Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.
–57th St b/w 5th & 6th
Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!
–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: Laura
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!
–Prospect Park:
Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!
–Brooklyn Zoo
Overheard by: Snoog
Girl #1, before movie: I don't even know what this movie is about.
Girl #2: I told you already–it's based on these books, they're kind of like Harry Potter, except with vampires.
Girl #1, after movie: That was nothing like Harry Potter. Harry Potter is twats on broomsticks. That was softcore porn.
–AMC Loews
Reverend: God was too big to die. So he lives, and so it's an empty cross.
Child: (asks unheard question)
Reverend: Well, you could use them against vampires too.
–First Presbyterian Church, 5th Ave
Young boy to dad: Dad, I am still really concerned about that ghost we saw earlier.
Dad to boy: It was just your grandmother, I've told you!
–Sunset Park, Brooklyn
Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Ryan
50-something suit on cell: So, are you coming or do you have to zombie-proof the apartment again?
–Downtown 6 Train
Youngish guy all in black: Vampires are so 90s. (female companion nods emphatically)
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Emily
Guy yelling to people dressed as zombies: Are there any fine zombies there that want to suck my dick?
–Union Square
Girl in Santa costume: Where are my fucking elves?!
–LaGuardia High School
Teen girl to friend: Well there are so many leprechauns at that school anyway, what do you really expect?
–Xavier High School
Overheard by: isa
