The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

College girl to friend: So I was looking through all my pictures… You know, all my pictures of Nazis.

–Central Park

Overheard by: ruegah

NYU film student to another, looking at picture of French actor Benoit Magimel: He's hot in that Hitler Youth kind of way.

–NYU Tisch Building

Guy to friend: Killing zombies is the new killing Nazis.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Preston

Random hipster: Sometimes I think Hitler was right.

–Music Hall of Williamsburg

Borders employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, we do have books about Hitler, but they're all for children.

–Borders

Posted on February 17, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clerks, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, KKK, Murder, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Store, Students, Stupidity, Theater, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

When Vampire Movie Scripts Go Too Far

Guy #1: Dude, Rick was totally shitting blood at my house last night…
Guy #2: It must be from all those guys he sucks off…
Guy #3: Totally!

–Midtown

Posted on January 5, 2010
Blood & bleeding, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

How Are Wednesday One-Liners Like Network TV, Alex?

Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored.

–W 15th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Thompson

Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch.

–58th St & 9th Ave

11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air.

–7 Train

Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tyler

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Death, Families, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Bronx, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And Definitely Not Enough Sex for You.

Mom, reading magazine: You heard of Twilight? Is it good?
Kid: Dunno. I don't think you'd like it. It's got kissing. And vampires.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Quack

Posted on November 21, 2009
K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Movies, Parents, Questions, Store, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter?

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo)

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again.

–Amtrak Train, Penn station

Overheard by: Madge

Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later.

–94th St & Broadway

Posted on October 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Conductors, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Instruments, Language Barrier, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Smoking, Teens, Threats, Time, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Once-Upon-a-Time Liners

Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?

–92nd St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Gordon D

Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!

–3 Train

Overheard by: I waved

Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Harper

Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.

–57th St b/w 5th & 6th

Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!

–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry

Overheard by: Laura

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!

–Prospect Park:

Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!

–Brooklyn Zoo

Overheard by: Snoog

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crying, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Kids, Magic, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Twats on Broomsticks”? I Think We've Found Our Band Name!

Girl #1, before movie: I don't even know what this movie is about.
Girl #2: I told you already–it's based on these books, they're kind of like Harry Potter, except with vampires.
Girl #1, after movie: That was nothing like Harry Potter. Harry Potter is twats on broomsticks. That was softcore porn.

–AMC Loews

Posted on July 24, 2009
Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Movie Theaters, Movies, Porn, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Men Of the Cloth Call That Crucifiction

Reverend: God was too big to die. So he lives, and so it's an empty cross.
Child: (asks unheard question)
Reverend: Well, you could use them against vampires too.

–First Presbyterian Church, 5th Ave