Tourists: What the Fuck?!

Old lady with heavy accent, pointing to closed store: What’s that?
Young lady: I’m not sure.
Old lady: Is that a pahwn shop?
Young lady, startled: No, that looks like a pawn shop…
Old lady: That’s what I said — a pahwn shop.
Young lady, relieved: Ohhh, I thought you said ‘porn shop’!
Old lady: No, I said ‘pahwn,’ not ‘pahwn.’
Young lady: Oh, you say them exactly the same!
Old lady: I do?
Young lady: Yeah! Say ‘aw.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: Now say ‘or.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: No, it’s orrr. With an R.
Old lady: That’s what I said — ‘ahw.’

–M20 bus, near 34th & 8th

Overheard by: trying not to laugh too hard

Posted on May 10, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, On the Bus, Words

… but I Know When a Shitty Joke Is in the Offing

Asian hipster/nerd: What’s the difference between sadist and misogynist? What’s the difference between sadist and misogynist? What’s the–
Asian nerd friend: You mean masochist.
Asian hipster/nerd: Oh. … What’s the difference between–
Asian nerd friend: I don’t know!!

–6 Train

Overheard by: AmandaRoyale

Posted on May 8, 2015
Asians, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Friends, Hipsters, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Words

…We're Having a LGBT Singles Mixer!

Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!

–Uptown F train

Posted on May 2, 2015
Black People, Church, Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Home, Sweet Home, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Teens, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!

–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Betsy

[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!

–Sheraton Hotel

Overheard by: Morgan

Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!

–SVA Animation Department

Overheard by: Laughing

Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: JO in Bobst

Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.

–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square

Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall

[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"

–Office bathroom, 31st Street

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Cleanliness, Coworkers, Family Ties, Farting & Burping, Girls, Hotels, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, NYU, Offers and requests, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Questions, Stall Spies, Students, Theater, Times Square, Vagina, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Since I Went Into the Bathroom and Adjusted

Columbia guy #1: Dude, how’s your Gestalt?
Columbia guy #2: My Gestalt is in an excellent place right now.

–Dining Hall, Barnard College

Posted on April 30, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Default, Guys, Questions, Students, Weirdness, Words

Parenthood: The Watered-Down Version.

Father: Do you know how to say “river” in Spanish?
Daughter: Uhhhhh…
Father: It's “rio”
Daughter: Rio… Dia-rio!

–F Train

Posted on April 30, 2015
Dads, Families, Girls, Languages, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Words

Now What About the Statute of Librarians?

Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.

–Uptown 5 Train

Posted on April 30, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, Girls, Guys, Insults, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Chastity, How Did You Get So Smart?

Tween girl #1: Where did the term, “horny” come from?
Tween girl #2: Because when guys are horny, that's what their dicks look like. Horns.
Tween girl #1: Then how come we use the word for chicks, too?
Tween girl #2: Because their nipples get hard and look like horns! God, you're so stupid!

–Central Park

Posted on April 29, 2015
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Horny, Parks, Penis, Questions, Rack, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

I’d Rather Be Beaten Than Listen to Any More of That

Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Six-year-old girl: Cunt.

–Grand Central

Posted on April 24, 2015
Assholes, Grand Central, Insults, Kids, Words

…And People Who Might Give You Money.

Little boy: Myrtle kissed me. She is so sweet of me.
Mom: She's “sweet of you”? You're three years old. How do you know those words? Well, no one should kiss you except family members.

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on April 24, 2015
Age/Aging, Family Ties, Grocery Stores, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village, Words

Words