Dude #1: …so she like told me all penises were ugly. That they were just ugly organs, so I was like, “Yeah? Well, then from now on you can’t get any of mine!”
Dude #2: Ha, ha.
Dude #1: So she all took her clothes off and then we did it.
Dude #2: Ha, ha.
Dude #1: The best way to get a chick is to act like you don’t care and you get laid immediately.
–19th & Broadway
White student: I can’t believe you guys gave my ID to another person!
Security guard: Yeah, I’m really sorry. I wish there was a better system for doing this.
White student: Yeah, they should have all the Asian kids in a separate directory, because they all have the same last names.
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Darren Montalbano
Barnard girl #1: Help! My key won't penetrate the lock.
Barnard girl #2: Just spit on it.
–Barnard College
Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!
–R Train
Overheard by: Allegra
Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?
–V Train Platform
Overheard by: Tom
Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".
–F Train
Overheard by: So True
Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!
–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th
Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!
–Canal Street Subway Station
Overheard by: stfo
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Hawker lady: Read all about it! AM New York! Read all about it — AM New York dot com!
Hawker guy, quietly to passersby: Don’t read that shit. They make shit up. Here, have a Metro.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: go rangers!
Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.
–Grand Central Station
Young Betty #1: Well, then, just stop complaining and become a hooker.
Young Betty #2: I don't even like sex with my boyfriend.
Young Betty #1: See? You're already nuts… you might as well get paid.
–R Train
Chick #1: That one guy’s kinda cute, but I think he’s gay.
Chick #2: Yeah, but I don’t think he knows it yet. Go for it.
–Fat Black Pussy Cat, W. 3rd Street
Overheard by: Djlindee
Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: alison
