Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.

–American Airlines flight

Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!

–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us

Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself

Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.

–100 Washington Sq East

Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!

–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport

Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.

–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station

Overheard by: wasn’t me

Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.

–PATH, 9th St

Overheard by: Zenana

Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.

–Christopher & Bleecker