Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on March 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hunter, Kink, Koreans, Movies, Nerds, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Store, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Could Give a Shit about the Content of Your Character

College chick to three pals: Last night I had a dream about non-white people.

–1 train

Overheard by: MLK-what?

Black boyfriend tying white girl’s shoe: Isn’t this racist?

–65th & Broadway

Bimbette: I can’t tell the difference between Chinese people, Japanese people, Koreans, and Asians.

–Times Square

Overheard by: me neither..

Black guy to another: So, what the Palestinians are sayin’ is how did the Jews leave black and come back white?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: FabAb

Teacher: When you break down racial groups’ IQs statistically, different races are smarter than others. So, there’s no mystery here, blacks and Latinos are at the bottom, whites and Asians are on top. Well, actually, Asians score the highest so go ahead and feel proud of yourselves.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: LSB

Professor: I use the word ‘race,’ but it’s just a code we use for ‘African American.’

–Silver Center, Washington Square

Posted on March 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Race, Wednesday One-Liners

Do I Hear the Pitter Patter Of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners?

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Posted on March 29, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Sex, STDs, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Owned the “Math Is Hard” Barbie

Teacher: You had six, one of them quit, you now have four… Wait!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Woman to friends: It’s true! Crack babies just aren’t very good at math.

–W Houston St.

Overheard by: Emily T.

Disgruntled woman on cell: We are not splitting this in half — I want 70-40!

–Broadway & Exchange

Enthusiastic conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the last car is not the only car on this train. If you spread out, you get on the train faster, we get moving faster, and you won’t be able to complain that MTA trains never run on time. It’s simple mathematics, ladies and gentlemen. Get up on it.

–A train

Overheard by: mildly entertained

Posted on March 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners for Pride Week

Chubby guy: Hey! Show me your boobs! No, not the girl. I’m gay, I want to see your man boobs! Come on, show me your boobs!

–Outside Chipotle, 8th St.

Queer: I remember back when I was having orgies with, like, 15 or 20 people. And I was having a lot of fun!

–17th & 7th

Overheard by: Sofia

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Fat People, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Orgy, Queers, Rack, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

Let’s Catch a Flick, Wednesday One-liners

Man: I charge you with this sacred drink, and with this straw: I call this straw Excalibur, straw of destiny.

–Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street

Overheard by: timothy wolfe

Bald man: See, the Joker was the first real villain Batman had to face…

–Le Pescadou, King Street

Overheard by: emdashes

Guy: Uh-uh. This nigga would be outta town. I see lightnin’ goin off and holes in the ground. No way! I will grab my purse, a bottle of water, my sister, and my gun and get the fuck outta Dodge. Peace, aliens!

–Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street

Guy: There’s really no way to tell someone that’s the seat’s taken without sounding like a complete douchebag.

–Loews Kips Bay, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Jonathan Weiss

Posted on March 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Film, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

One-a-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged lady: I wear makeup on Sundays. I like to look good on the Lord’s day.

–135th & Madison

Overheard by: Kate

Woman: Monday is the new Friday.

–11 Penn Plaza

Guy on cell: … So let’s just go ahead with the Tuesday night cripple hunt.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Conductor: This stop is Jay Street-Borough Hall. You can transfer here across the platform to the A and C trains, which you can take uptown to Columbus Circle and on up to 168th Street. Be sure to take your stuff with you when you go, and have a great Wednesday here in the middle of the week.

–F train

Overheard by: … or maybe she was stoned

40-something lady to another: … Then I told him, ‘Nevermind the bruises, I just had liposuction last Thursday.’

–Broadway, just below Houston

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I won’t be there if you’re going to be doing all that religious stuff… Aren’t you, like, castrating a duck or something? … Oh, okay, well I’ll be there on Friday, then.

–By the tram