All Wednesday One-Liners

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow

Wednesday One-liners v. Mapquest

Tourist girl: Where’s Macy’s?

–Ground Zero

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

You Can’t Spell Wednesday One-liners Without TMI

Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now?

–68th & Lexington

Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong.

–51st & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike Barish

Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri

Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work.

–West Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Darby O’Gill

Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry.

–Dive bar, 96th Street

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With Wednesday-One-Liners

Girl: Someone just needs to push him off the gay cliff, ‘cuz he’s not jumpin!

–Varick &Vandam

Ghetto girl: I seen Whoopie Goldberg’s daughter! She a lesbian, light-skinned, and she bad!

–9th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: david hyman

Darrell Hammond: It’s only queer if you’re on the bottom.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Angry man on cell: This is exactly why I don’t date bisexual guys!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Girl on cell: I still don’t get why you dumped him. Just ’cause you’re a lesbian and he’s got that thing for unicorns doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have been cute together.

–2nd & A

Thug: So I was eating that bitch out, and yo, yo, she told me that she was a lez…A lesbian yo! A lesbian!

–Manhattan Ave & 103rd St

Overheard by: Carol – walking slowly so as to hear the rest

Queer: My friend Carol has been dating gay guys for years and fails to realize it until it’s too late!

–Jamaica Ave and 150th St

Overheard by: Rodney-Rod

Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho.

–13th St. & 3rd Ave.

Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs.

–13th St. & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Chris Carter

Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”.

–F train

Overheard by: Nathalie

Wednesday One-Liners Make Friends with the Purple Monkey in the Corner

Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Matt M

Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot.

–Bleecker St

English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed?

–City College

Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die.

— CVS, 54th & Lex

Overheard by: Your Mom

Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict

–Columbia University

Overheard by: An offended crack addict

Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke.

–Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Wednesday One-Liners Could Give a Shit about the Content of Your Character

College chick to three pals: Last night I had a dream about non-white people.

–1 train

Overheard by: MLK-what?

Black boyfriend tying white girl’s shoe: Isn’t this racist?

–65th & Broadway

Bimbette: I can’t tell the difference between Chinese people, Japanese people, Koreans, and Asians.

–Times Square

Overheard by: me neither..

Black guy to another: So, what the Palestinians are sayin’ is how did the Jews leave black and come back white?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: FabAb

Teacher: When you break down racial groups’ IQs statistically, different races are smarter than others. So, there’s no mystery here, blacks and Latinos are at the bottom, whites and Asians are on top. Well, actually, Asians score the highest so go ahead and feel proud of yourselves.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: LSB

Professor: I use the word ‘race,’ but it’s just a code we use for ‘African American.’

–Silver Center, Washington Square

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