Son: Mom, can I go and see Santa?
Mom: You ain’t sittin’ your big black ass on some white Santa!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Confused white person
Son: Mom, can I go and see Santa?
Mom: You ain’t sittin’ your big black ass on some white Santa!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Confused white person
Black man yelling at poster of Seal with a Shar-Pei: A black dude and a dog? A black dude and a dog?! Man… That shit is fucked up! Cute white girls like dogs. Black men don’t like cute little dogs! Shiiit.
Chick: He’s married to a white supermodel, you know.
–Bus stop, 82nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Carol
Urban Indian middle school kid: Yo, we gonna be feastin', son! We got all different types of curry!
Urban African American middle school kid: Shit, son.
–Outside of McKibbin Lofts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mikey Andy
Black guy, yelling out of his car at cute girl crossing the street: Hey! You look like yo' white boyfriend call you fat, but mama, that alllllll good!
Cute girl: I have never felt so offended and so complimented at once. (deadpan) This must be love.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: aenigma
Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.
Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.
Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!
–2 train
White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?
–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave
Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she's like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like "Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don't know how to fight."
–LIRR
Overheard by: whaaasgood
Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.
–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower
Overheard by: interns are our future
Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don't have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.
–Riverside Park
Black guy: I ain’t saying I love her, but I got feelings for the bitch.
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Rick Segall
Fratboy: Fuck the afterlife. I want my 72 virgins now.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Shoplady on phone: Oh, so did she tell you about her sex? Well, she told me…I mean, she’s ugly but it’s good to know even ugly people can have good imaginary sex.
–Barbara Feinman Millinery, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Sarah C
Jamaican lady: We don’t fuck for enjoyment, we fuck for love.
–Washington Heights
Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!…Well was she any good?…Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick?
–Times Square
Guy: Oh, you should come by the soup kitchen I run. There are no homeless people. Only real estate people. I used to go…I would go on Wednesday (snaps fingers) and I’d have a date for Saturday.
–Union Squre theatre
Suit: Marriage is so fucking out in banking right now. I was engaged for a while, just because I wanted to plant my seed, you know. But that didn’t work out.
–Wall Street
Overheard by: Black Red Yellow NYC
Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis!
–3 train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Garrett Berg
Runners-Up:
· “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz
· “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff
· “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA
· “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
Black girl to black guy: I saw you with that girl “hahahaing” and “hohoeeing.”
Black guy: Ha ha.
–23rd & 5th
Manager: My son likes white girls. I’m like, ‘Boy, don’t you know white people smell funny?! They smell like chicken when it’s wet outside!’
Coworker: Oh, yeah, they do be smellin’ weird.
–DT store, 32nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag
