Body Parts

Wednesday One-Liners Eat Boogers

Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…

–Nathan's, West 32nd St

Overheard by: SuzeV

Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!

–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st

Overheard by: Lillian

Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!

–96th and Broadway

Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.

–jet blue terminal, jfk

Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients

Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.

–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit

Granted, Sometimes It's Like Drinking from the Fire Hose

NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?
NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?
NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.
NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I thought you said “semen.” I was going to be like “Yes you can!”

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

So, Yadda Yadda Yadda, I Got Expelled

Girl #1: There’s this girl at school, and she told me to eat her face.
Girl #2: Is she crazy?!
Girl #1: No… But she has a big nose, so her face looks like a poodle.

–Grounded, Jane St

Overheard by: office peon

Only If You Can Solve Their Riddles

Chick: You can't really have sex with a Sphinx, the body is a lion.
Guy: Sphinxes are still titty-fuckable!

–NYU

Overheard by: LSB

Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it.

–Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx

Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini!

–F train

Overheard by: braincurve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem.

–Madison Square Park

Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now.

–Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Overheard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

That Way I Can Snack on It When I Get Bored

Girl #1: What does a brain tumor feel like? Cause I think I have one.
Girl #2: I don't know, but that's horrible.
Girl #1: Yeah, it would suck a lot. It just feels like there's a lump, in my brain. I'm really out of shape, though, so I'm hoping the lump is just another pile of fat building up in my bod.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: pomy

The Boogieman is Real, and Rides the L

A group of little kids are selling M&Ms on the train, perhaps to raise money for their school’s basketballing team. Homeless black dude with silver teeth enters and proceeds to yell at them.

Hobo: I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY! I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY!

–L Train

Overheard by: Vickers Bastard Gringo

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Deep They Cause Bladder Infections

Thug, taking a drink: Yo, this water’s mad wet.

–Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Guy: I mean, I don’t want any bok choy in my chakra.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: aryn

Drunk, Or Still Emerging from the Anesthesia?

Conductor: May I see your ticket, please?
Drunk tranny: I already showed my ticket.
Conductor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tranny: What the fuck? I already showed my damn ticket.
Conductor: OK, calm down. Just show me your ticket, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tranny: You are probably a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the disrespect I get. I am fucking changing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist