Girl: I need a job with benefits.
Guy: McDonald's has benefits–free lunch, and you get to learn how to make French fries.
–Prospect Park
Girl: I need a job with benefits.
Guy: McDonald's has benefits–free lunch, and you get to learn how to make French fries.
–Prospect Park
Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?
–Battery Park
Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!
–Old Navy Store
Overheard by: Joyfully Yours
Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!
–Astoria Park
Overheard by: Julie & Zane
Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
–Doma Cafe
Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?
–1 Train
Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Woman: We've got snacks in the office, if you like. It's very convenient having Costco nearby.
Man: Oh, that's great! I just recently discovered BJs with my girlfriend.
–Sunset Park, Brooklyn
Short man: So, my therapist told me to take off my clothes and look into the mirror.
Tall woman: Why?
Short man: To confront my inner midget.
Tall woman: Your inner what?
Short man: Midget.
Tall woman: Don’t you think that’s potentially offensive to midgets?
Short man: Why? Some people are paranoid, some are neurotic, some are short.
–Tea Lounge, 7th Ave & 10th St, Park Slope
Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!
–Rector St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.
–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train
Overheard by: Mark Brinker
Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!
–E Train
Overheard by: I can has E train?
Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
Overheard by: shuttle rider
Man, pointing at window display: That’ll make a nice gift for the wife: a pair of underwear that say “SALE” across the ass. Classy.
–Outside Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Overheard by: sean
Hipster chick: Quite frankly I’d rather wash all my bras tonight.
–F train
Overheard by: braincurve
Woman to five elderly ladies: All right, ladies, put your underwear on and let’s go.
–L&B Spumoni Gardens, 86th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Chick on cell: So how long did it take the four of you to find your bra the next morning?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Jess is hot.
Girl on cell: I am so not letting my underwear go on a date with his underwear.
–Prince & Broadway
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil
Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there!
–Brooklyn House of Detention for Men
Overheard by: Jimbo Jones
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a cop, you fucking bastard?
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a fucking cop?!
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #3: I'm a cop you idiot! It's not a tumor!
–3rd Ave & 92nd St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mallory
