Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side

Posted on January 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Battery Park, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Innuendo, Instruments, Music, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Questions, Starbucks, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

When It Comes to Naming, New Yorkers Have No Equa

Teenage boy #1: I saw you with Shanequa yesterday.
Teenage boy #2: No, that was Tamequa.
Teenage boy #3: Man… If I meet another -equa I'm gonna kill somebody.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zetspat

Posted on December 30, 2017
Brooklyn, Murder, Names, Teens, Threats

Good Thing There's Sawdust on the Floor

Soccer fan #1, disturbed by screaming children while watching World Cup: Where the hell did all these kids come from?
Soccer fan #2, still watching screen: My guess is various wombs.

–Sports Bar, Red Hook

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Posted on December 29, 2017
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Guys, Insults, Kids, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sports

Wednesday One-liners Are a Matter of Opinion

Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.

–Employees Only, Hudson St

Overheard by: molly

Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!

–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on December 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Celebrities Overheard, Diet/Weight, Fat People, History & Geography, On Cell, Park Slope, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Topics, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That is the Question, Isn’t It?

Old lady: Excuse me, are you a half Hindu?
Desi girl: No, I’m a full Hindu.
Old lady: Well, I just love Krishna.
Desi girl: Who’s Krishna?

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Posted on December 3, 2017
Brooklyn, Desi, Old People, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

But Then the Uncles Start Pinching Your Cheeks

Boy #1: It’s so gross! My aunts pinch my cheeks and call me cute and make, like, cow noises!
Boy #2: Take it from me: wait ’til you get older. I promise, no one will ever call you cute again.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Andrea

Posted on November 19, 2017
Age/Aging, Beauty, Boys, Brooklyn, Family Ties, Tweens

And Nobody's Shooting at You

Girl: I need a job with benefits.
Guy: McDonald's has benefits–free lunch, and you get to learn how to make French fries.

–Prospect Park

Posted on November 13, 2017
Advice, Brooklyn, Education, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Totally Worth the Annual Membership Fee

Woman: We've got snacks in the office, if you like. It's very convenient having Costco nearby.
Man: Oh, that's great! I just recently discovered BJs with my girlfriend.

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Posted on October 24, 2017
BJs, Brooklyn, Food, Men, Offers and requests, Parks, Shopping, Women

I Won the Trifecta

Short man: So, my therapist told me to take off my clothes and look into the mirror.
Tall woman: Why?
Short man: To confront my inner midget.
Tall woman: Your inner what?
Short man: Midget.
Tall woman: Don’t you think that’s potentially offensive to midgets?
Short man: Why? Some people are paranoid, some are neurotic, some are short.

–Tea Lounge, 7th Ave & 10th St, Park Slope

Posted on October 19, 2017
Brooklyn, Disabilities, Little People (Midgets, Dwarfs), Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes