Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!
–DeKalb Ave
Well-dressed woman to passerby: Excuse me. Which way is up?
–53rd & Madison
Overheard by: Kitsune
Stoned guy: I think I thought I had a thought in my head…but I was wrong.
–74th S & Colonial Rd, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Woman in Lycra leopard print dress: I had to jam out with my clam out. I had to jam out with my clam out!
Man: Daamnnn…
–Nostrand & Lincoln, Crown Heights
Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.
–Dumbo, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tanya
Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.
–64th & Amsterdam
Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!
–Target Store, Brooklyn
Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.
–28th & Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Alie
Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?
–61st & Amsterdam
Italian man: It seems Americans can't spell, like they don't even have command of their own language.
Muslim woman wearing a burqa: Why should anyone learn to spell when all you have to do to get ahead in this country is show some crack? …if you know what I mean.
–Tillies, Brooklyn
Guy to girlfriend and friend: Goddammit, neither one of you is a gay man trapped in a woman's body.
–8th & 9th
Overheard by: cracking up
Girl on cell: Are all she-males gay? Cause if they're into women, sign me up.
–Astor Place
Teen on cell: Dudes have, like, purses here…
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to friend: She's not a tranny, but she's, y'know: tran-y.
–Grand St & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: KateM
Man on cell: You and I are both complex women. It's more complicated than that.
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Ben
(at the Ghostland Observatory show)
Hipster #1: Oh my god, I'm so sweating so much right now.
Hipster #2: I am too. But it might be because I'm wearing leggings on my arms.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mrsmith
Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Democrat
Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?
–7th Avenue, Park Slope
Overheard by: Chuckell
Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.
–Washington Square Park
Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.
–124th St, Harlem
Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…
–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PdQ
Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.
–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Tootles McGee
Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?
–Bergenline Bus
Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with
Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?
–12th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?
–South Seaport
Female suit: Their penises don’t care!
–Times Square
Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.
–5th Ave
Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.
–9th & Prospect Park
Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence
Girl: Why don’t you just make a list of all the girls you want to fuck and their qualities for me, so I can take notes?
Boy: … Like, bullet points, or can I use full sentences?
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Jesse
