Bi-curious guy to gaggle of girls: He wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and says, “I hope I don't have herpes.”
Girl #1: Has he gotten tested?
Bi-curious guy: No, he's too afraid.
Girl #2: I would be too if I'd been around that much dirty snatch.
Girl #1: Wouldn't you be able to tell if you had herpes?
–Sheepshead Bay
White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!
–Bus, Brooklyn
Clerk guy: Has anyone in this room been convicted of a felony? Come up to the front desk.
Husband: Okay, I’m going to go up there.
He returns 5 minutes later.
Husband: Hey, I’m all done. I told you you should’ve murdered someone, you’d be out too!
–Kings County Supreme Court, Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Cassie Nicole
Guy on cell: …yeah, and then I got arrested. So what’s up with you?
–Brooklyn Heights
Cop: Man, there’s a lot of Grade A ass out here today!
–Ground Zero
Guy: Don’t feel bad, honey. I’d say that one out of every 8 guys is a convicted arsonist.
–Union Square
Cop: Man, I hate going to the bathroom. You gotta take all this stuff off!
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Kid, in stroller: What's that?
Mom: A plumber truck.
Kid: A plumber truck?
Mom: Uh-huh.
Kid: I wanna be a plumber truck!
–7th & Atlantic, Brooklyn
Overheard by: concerned for the future
Girl #1: Are you sure he’s gay?
Girl #2: Um, yeah!
Girl #1: Nooo, he can’t be! How do you know?
Boy: Because he likes dick in his ass.
In unison: Oooh…
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Thug on cell: Will I accept payment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t accept an eight-ball as payment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the only coke I do comes in five dollar rocks. I can’t afford to get hooked on that expensive shit.
–49th & 7th
Oveheard by: Prefers the expensive shit
Drunk guy, to his date: The reason I’m buying all of this coke is so that we can fuck.
–6th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Danielle
Girl: Can you imagine saying your vows when you’re that coked up?
–Remsen St, Brooklyn Heights
Party girl: Oh my God, she took a picture of me one time while I was doing a line, and I was, like, so pissed!
–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park
Dude: America runs on cocaine.
–W Broadway
Overheard by: ritajones
Goth chick: I just want to buy some fucking groceries so we don’t spend all our money on coke.
–Whole Foods, 14th St
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?
–Coney Island-bound D train
Overheard by: BB
White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: Red Hair
Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?
–Union Hall, Park Slope
Overheard by: jasonjason
Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.
–Kosher Delight
Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Staying on the bus….
Host: … But they wanted to see my tattoos…
Hostess: I don’t care what they wanted to see, you don’t take your shirt off at a six-year-old’s birthday party!
–Birthday party, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
