Central Park

Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later.

–Bushwick

Overheard by: uninvited party guest

Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.

–Avents

Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay?

–35th & Broadway

Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.

–10 express bus

French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there?

–Graham Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind

High school chick #1: I like her, she's pretty.
High school chick #2: Isn't she, like, stupid?
High school chick #1: Yeah, she's pretty stupid.

–Central Park, Outside Delacorte Theater

Old Brit, pointing to float: Who is that?
Wife: Oh, come on, Bill.
Old Brit: No, really. Is it Joey the Clown or something?
Wife: It’s a symbol of America!
Old Brit: [Confused silence.]Wife: It’s Ronald McDonald!

–Macy’s Parade, Columbus Circle

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not even kidding, her asshole was *this* big! (connects her thumbs and pointer fingers making a large circle)

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: soccer mom

Female suit to friends: And the old-timers were just such assholes…

–Walker & W Broadway

Overheard by: j

Big squirming Latin kid: God! I got this burnin' in my asshole, man!

–Xavier High School

Overheard by: seriously?

Concerned friend to sobbing girl: All you did wrong was sleep with him before you knew he was an asshole!

–Coffeeshop, Park Slope

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.

–5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nerd

Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!

–Milford Hotel

Overheard by: not an asian call girl

Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!

–Central Park

Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: who knew?

Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?

–39th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!

–22nd & 9th

Overheard by: Kate

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Guy: We just saw The Gates. And you know what they are? They’re a bunch of curtains in the park. That’s right, curtains in the park. You wanna see a bunch of curtains in the park, then go see them. But that’s all they are: a bunch of curtains in the park. Oh, yeah, and they’re “saffron”.

–Newark Airport shuttle

Overheard by: Julie Winterbottom

Woman: So?! They’re not dumb to me!

–The Gates

Male hipster: I was all excited for Central Park, you know, and then I remembered: I've seen trees before.

–Central Park

Tourist, looking at souvenir photos of Central Park: You never realize how… central it is.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Xanthias

Tourist, looking down at map: Wait a second, guys, I can't find Central Park.

–Penn Station

Overdressed, overly made-up girl: The thing I don't like about Central Park is that it's too much like a forest.

–Central Park

Father: So, do you have a green card?
Nanny: No, but I’m getting one soon.
Two-year-old boy: Do you have a red one, too?!

–Central Park

Overheard by: heading to the darfur rally

College guy, running away: I wasn't cheating! That's how you play hide-and-seek!
Girl, running after him with baseball bat: You can't hide home base!

–North Woods, Central Park