Chinese guy: Hey, now that you’re here we can go to Sylvia’s in Harlem and get some soul food.
Black guy: What do you mean, "now that I’m here"? What, you can’t go to Harlem by yourself, but now that you’ve got your token black you’re safe? That’s fucked up.
Chinese guy: Let me ask you something: would you go to Harlem alone at night?
Black guy: OK, that’s not the point.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Ricky
Tourist #1: Can you take our picture?
Young man: Sure.
Tourists put on “Chinese” hats and make their eyes slanty by pulling at the corners.
Tourists: Ching, chow, chey, high-ya!
Young man: I’m not sure you should do that.
Tourist #1: Do you think they know we’re making fun of them?
Young man: Nooo…I bet they think it’s just what crazy Europeans do when taking pictures.
Young man hands back camera and walks away quickly.
Young man to friend: That was so offensive I think it was funny.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: chapster
Hipster #1: I had beer for breakfast this morning. Beer and cheese fries. And she had ’em with me! That’s okay, man!
Hipster #2: Yeah, she’s special.
–Chinatown bus
Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
–14th & University
Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
–Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
–13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
–Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
–Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!
–Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
–Century 21
Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!
–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
Loud tourist on silent train: Oh my god. My hands are so dirty from being in Chinatown. This city is the dirtiest place on the planet. If you stuck my hands in a big-ass petri dish, you better believe there would be some monstrous germs on there the next day. Ew, Chinatown smells so bad. Like rotten fish. Why is it so hot here? God, no one in Chinatown has air conditioning. My pits are so smelly. Ugh, I stink. But not worse than Chinatown.
–6 train uptown, Canal St
Thug: Yo, I’m just going down to the train.
Cop: No, you just going over to the jail.
–Entrance to Canal Street station
Overheard by: Daaaaniella
Asian guy: The freshman at Stuyvesant are more attractive than the sophomores this year.
Asian girl: That’s because they lowered the standards for them last year. And dumber people are obviously way hotter than smarter ones.
–Tasty Dumplings, Chinatown
Girl: Little Italy is changing so much. Look at this place, this doesn’t belong here…
Guy: Why not? It’s called “Casa Bella.” That means “beautiful house.”
Girl: “Bella” doesn’t mean “house.”
–Mulberry & Hester
Overheard by: Wow
Dude #1: Have you heard of the sleeper?
Dude #2: No, what’s that?
Dude #1: It’s when you sit on your hand for five minutes then rub one out. It feels like someone else is jerking you off.
Dude #2: I’m trying that as soon as I get home man, thanks!
–Mulberry St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Jewess Jay
Woman on cell: Caviar? Nigga, ain’t no caviar in Harlem.
–57th & 8th
