Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Cromulent Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: H. Chan

Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.”

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Fernando Taveras

Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

–J train

Posted on October 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Clothing, Death, Food, Global Geography, Idiots, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Religion, School

Topless Is So Pre-Menopause

Woman: That’s a nice shirt!
Friend: Thanks! I never wear shirts — I think I’ll start wearing them more often!

–Restaurant, Gramercy

Posted on October 22, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Ladies Who Lunch, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Restaurants & Cafes

Yeah, 25's a Tough Age to Get Through

Trying-too-hard dude: You are so funny I can't believe you're single.
Already jaded 20-something chick: I am a 25-year-old girl wearing a Batman t-shirt to a bar in Soho, is it really that implausible?

–Soho

Posted on October 20, 2014
Age/Aging, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Questions, Relationships, Soho

Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

Posted on October 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fashionistas, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

It Gives Me Worry Lines.

Teen boy, about someone in costume as zombie soldier: Aw, I shoulda had a military uniform!
Teen girl: Ugh, that's social commentary. I don't do that.

–47th & 8th, Zombie Crawl

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on October 14, 2014
Clothing, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teens, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, War

Maybe I'll Just Get a Dick

20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.

–Manhattan Ave & 110th St

Posted on October 13, 2014
Beauty, Clothing, Columbia University, Diet/Weight, Girls, Penis, Physical appearance, Trannies

Wednesday One-liners Yearning to Breathe Free

Woman: Moving in trash bags is so refugee.

–Park Slope

Posted on October 11, 2014
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, One-liners, Park Slope, Women

The Culture of Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: I don’t think people know why they go to museums. They mostly go so they can tell their friends later, “Oh, yeah, I went to the Metropolitan today.”

–West 53rd between 5th & 6th

Suit: Foie gras? You’ve got to be kidding, it’s not even in season! I don’t have the money for that! I just spent $50 on boxers!

–34th & 5th

Dude: I can’t respect a guy who does capoeira.

–University & 14th

Overheard by: Kim

Reporter: She saw a Pauly Shore movie and that made her want to join the Army? Wow!

–Daily News offices, W. 33rd Street

Woman: Remember, you break it you buy it.

–Fine china section, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: jen wik