Little boy, shouting and grabbing magic wand from his sister: No! I wanna be Hermione! It’s my turn to be Hermione!
Little girl: Be Harry! His magic’s better!
Little boy: But Hermione’s clothes are so much cooler!
–Barnes and Noble, E 86th St
Overheard by: Noel Coward
Girl: I don’t think he is mature enough for me.
Guy: He doesn’t wear pants! And you know, if he’s claustrophobic putting his legs into pants… You see where I’m going with this?
–Broadway & 49th
Young Guy, trying to hit on a girl: I’ve been thinking about starting a blog.
Girl: [silence.]Young Guy: You know, if I were to start a blog, I’d make it about t-shirts.
Girl: [silence.]
–Magnetic Field (Bar) on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Conductor #1 on intercom: My pants are down. Are your pants down?
Conductor #2: No, my pants are good.
–Metro North
Overheard by: jessie
Young suit #1: Dude, you’re not even seeing her, so why does it matter what kind of underwear you wear?
Young suit #2: If I’m not wearing the right underwear she yells at me in front of the whole office…
–74th & Amsterdam
Big bald guy: No, no, you don’t have to be ordained to marry people at the show. Just put on the Pope robe if you want to marry people.
–Office Building, Hudson St
Guy: I took your advice, bro. I’m gonna marry her in a little over three weeks. But… I gotta get drunk first.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: erin
Suit #1 to suit #2: Well, maybe she won’t sign the pre-nup and then you’ll be free.
–Wall Street
Black chick: No! No! Ain’t no one gettin’ lynched at my wedding!
–Food Dimensions, Myrtle & Broadway
Overheard by: off white
Woman on cell: The only time he gets to be himself is when he goes away and that’s the way he saves the marriage… Otherwise it’s "Mommy, I don’t feel well’ and ‘Mommy, may I be excused from the table."
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Mugsy’s Moll
Goth chick on phone: He proposed to me while he was in me… Yea, well, I mean he told me after that he really meant it!
–Penn Station
Middle-aged white guy: … Yeah, well, Stan hurt himself.
Younger black guy: Well, he be wearin dresses and shit…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: Ruru
Cute girl: No, I swear that coat was pink.
Clearly gay guy: It was not pink [glances down.]Cute girl: Is there something pink…I mean… Did you just look at my boobs?!
Clearly gay guy: I mean, they’re right there.
–Zara, 5th Ave
Overheard by: rach
Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.
–C Train
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Woman in elevator: I am so glad they are finally making stylish maternity clothes. I mean, honestly, when I am pregnant I can’t just like stay home and sit with my kid in me. I want to go out and shake my ass.
Her friend: I know, thank god.
–Elevator
