Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."

–Broadway & 37th St

Overheard by: glm

Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…

–LIRR

Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.

–36th & 5th

Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: David

Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.

–Times Square

Overheard by: drekdude

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sisters, Street, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

We Applaud Our Submitter's Use Of the Word “Corpulent”

Corpulent 70-something gentleman, walking up to reception desk of upscale restaurant: I think I should get an awahd for wearing this shoyt today. You know who dis is? Died 50 yeahs ago on this exact day. Da greatest jazz singah of all time: Billie Holiday.
(reception staff stares blankly)
Corpulent 70-something gentleman: You nevah hoyd of her?!

–Nougatine Room

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on October 27, 2009
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Death, Music, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

I'm Pretty Sure It Was the Mustache

20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: Yeah, I was told by one of my drama teachers once, way back in school, that I had the “passion and commitment to theater” that Hitler had.
(five-second pause)
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #2: Wow!
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: No, it wasn't a compliment, she didn't like me very much.

–Chinese Restaurant, Astoria

Posted on October 26, 2009
Actors, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Hitler/Nazis, Midwesterners, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Naturally, He's Married, but Still

Woman in yellow dress: Ya'll know how all women want Tupac with a weave?
Woman's friend: Mmm-hmm.
Woman in yellow dress: Well, this was him! 'Cept he doesn't drink, doesn't cuss, and he goes to church!

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Nina L.

Posted on October 26, 2009
Church, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

So, Like Canada and the U.S.?

Tourist: So what the difference between hummus and falafel?
Guy at counter: Well… one is hummus, and the other is falafel.

–Mamoun's Falafel, MacDougal St

Overheard by: Tacologic

Posted on October 25, 2009
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

Though the Crabs Kinda Do Have His Eyes…

Girl #1: Getting knocked up is totally not the worst thing that can happen to you when you're sexually active.
Girl #2: For sure. I wish I was growing a little Bradley, instead of whatever it is I have brewing down here.

–Morningside Heights

Posted on October 25, 2009
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, STDs

If Ever an “Aww, Snap!” Were Called For…

Average-sized girl: This stuff is beautiful! But it would look so blah on me. You're lucky you're a size 24 waist and can look so hot in this stuff.
Model-looking friend: Meh, it's overrated.
Average-sized girl: Yeah, right! Name one thing that's not cool about being as thin as you are.
Model-looking friend: Well, I kind of miss… eating. (awkward pause) And also, I'm a size 23 waist.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Hopes she's exaggerating

Posted on October 24, 2009
Beauty, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Height, Physical appearance, Upper East Side

Stacy London Was a Tough Kid to Raise

Little girl in line at ATM: Mommy, I liked your hair better when it was gold.
Mother: Gold hair is expensive, honey. There's a recession going on. Don't like mommy's new recession color?
Little girl: Not really.

–106 St & 2nd Ave

Posted on October 22, 2009
Colors, Compare/Contrast, Hair, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Upper East Side

Is Anyone Crazier Than White People? Discuss.

Intelligent-looking girlfriend: How's she going to run a marathon in 60 minutes?
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, indifferently: It's impossible.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, not even those crazy black people can run that fast.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, unfazed: I know.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, I can't even drive that fast in the city!
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: Um… I hope you can go 26 miles in one hour.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was thinking 60 miles an hour. It's the vodka talking. Now kiss me once nicely, without whiskers.
(two minutes later)
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I remember the first time I showered with you and I had this big snot coming out my nose.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: I remember the first time I slept with you, and farted a lot.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 22, 2009
Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Nostalgia, On the Subway, Race, Sports, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Have Nothing to Lose But Their Chains

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, President, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

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