The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.

–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th

Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!

–25th St & 7th Ave

Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Lauren

Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.

–Cooper Square

Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?

–Columbia University

Posted on October 22, 2008
Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Jesus, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Students, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for LeVar Burton

Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.

–Q Train

Overheard by: katiek

Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!

–Court St & Bergen

Overheard by: Siobhan

Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!

–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill

Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.

–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington

Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!

–Stuyvesant High School

Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.

–The Strand

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hippies, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Rich people, STDs, Store, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

At Which Point, the Party's Over Before It's Begun

Woman #1: They're teaching sex ed in school. But he wasn't understanding what “menstruation” was, so I told him it was like throwing a party, and you put up decorations and make a cake, but no one shows up so you tear it all down and throw it away.
Woman #2: That's clever.
Woman #1: And that premature ejaculation is when everyone shows up to the party two hours too early while you're still getting ready.

–Bench, Central Park

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on October 21, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Menstruation, Parks, School and studying, Women

Hey, You're the One Who Said Hot-Pink Rhinestones Were Coming Back

Girl #1, coming out of bar: Oh my god, can you believe he thought I was interested in him? My tastes are way better than that!
Girl #2: And yet you bought that jacket.
Girl #1: What did you say?
Girl #2: Nothing…

–Bedford & 9th St

Overheard by: I agree with your friend

Posted on October 19, 2008
Beauty, Brooklyn, Clothing, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Questions

With Slightly Less Gold

Ditz #1: Did you know Beverly Hills was, like, its own city?
Ditz #2: Yeah, it's like the Vatican!

–2nd & 7th

Overheard by: Like, Totally.

Posted on October 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

How Men Talk About Their Feelings

Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.

–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Manc

Posted on October 19, 2008
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Insults, Movies, Sex, Stall Spies

For Your Information, I Can Microwave Instant Pasta with the Best of 'Em!

Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Not Italian

Posted on October 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Insults, Italians, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Questions, Tourists, Union Square and East Village

Well I've Been Trying to Cut Back on MSG

Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.

–Upper East Side