Compare/Contrast

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, What Exit You From?

Mom to three-year-old: Actually, there are two other airports in New York. One is called ‘JFK,’ and the other is called ‘New Jersey.’

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

Drunk girl: Well, somebody’s walking back to Jersey tonight!

–Times Square

Man on cell: Well, you’re really going to have to gather whatever inner strength you’ve got, look inside yourself, stay strong… Be prepared to live without me around… Huh? New Jersey! What did you think I meant?

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Guy on cell: She’s moving to Israel? Really? I guess people really will do anything to get out of New Jersey.

–Park Slope

Woman on cell: No, you see, this guy was a Jersey guy. He might have made it big on Wall Street, but he’s a Jersey guy. That was a mistake.

–Battery Park

I See Your Newark and Raise You a Trenton

Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

The Weird Science of Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.

–Bryant Park

Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.

–N train, Queens

Overheard by: Morgan

Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?

–Houston and Elizabeth

Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’

–20th St & 8th Ave

Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!

–12th St & University Pl

Overheard by: Joe

Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.

–33rd & 7th

Shhh! You’ll Ruin Our Business Model

Club promoter: Comedy tonight at the Improv!
Middle-aged woman: The real comedy is on the streets.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kevin Motel

A Fellini Film

Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]

–LIRR waiting area

Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived

The Silence of the Lamb Chop

Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can’t talk that much either ’cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn’t she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That’d only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, ’cause, I mean, who’s ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?

–Deli, 42nd St

Headline by: Emilio Lizardo

Runners-Up:

· “And They Called Her Howdy Pooty” – Sean

· “Charlie McCarthy Does Dallas!” – Mary Beth Hanlon

· “How many ‘likes’ does it take to get to another orgasm?” – Maggie Mae

· “I never knew smoking pole could cause lung cancer” – Matt T

· “If Helen Keller did porn” – Em

· “She’s Not Bad, But I Can See Her Lips Moving” – Dan

· “That’s not all she’s faking” – CoolPapaZ

· “Those screeching sounds come from her other set of lips” – Nick. D.

· “You know what else turns me on? Leprosy” – Steve


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Go To Film School

Drunk girl: I look like a Halloween movie — like Freddie the 13th. Wait, that’s not right.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Juggs Photographer

30-something woman: I’ve come to realize that there’s never going to be a Lloyd Dobbler. There won’t be any boom boxes.

–Prospect Park

Hushed female voice during screening of Short Bus: What the fuck does this have to do with hooking up in New York post-9/11? Take this hippie-dippy crap back to Portland! Ewww! God, take your carriage clock and shove it!

–Landmark Sunshine Theatre, Houston St

Middle-aged tourist to husband: They are so dramatic with all of the security here… It’s just like a movie.

–Church St, by World Trade Center

UPS Guy: I swear to you, Joey, I seen a lot of movies in my time and this movie is not to be missed. I swear, it’s definitely one of the ten best I’ve ever seen. And I’m a big movie buff. They have it at Blockbuster — you have to rent it. It’s called Nanny McPhee. You got that? Nanny McPhee.

–34th & Broadway

Woman: It’s like watching The Sound of Music and The Exorcist at the same time!

–Starbucks, Financial District

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy: That movie had more male pube shots in it than any movie I’ve ever seen.

–Starbucks, 66th & Columbus

Overheard by: MojoSaves

So You Get Dibs on the EKG

Man, while snatching last seat on train: Sorry lady, I got a broken foot.
Lady: So? I’ve got a broken heart.

–Uptown 6 train

Wednesday One-Liners Are ‘Persons of Interest’

Nu-metal kid: Man, I haven’t been arrested in so long!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Barrie

Teen boy commandeering speaker: Next stop: Riker’s Island.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Victoria

Black tranny to another: Honey, that’s the worst thing you can be called up in jail!

–Christopher & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Walking away even faster

Ghetto mom on phone: If you report it they’ll have to arrest the both of us.

–Cablevision office, Brooklyn

Middle-aged wankster: Yo, I rubbed ‘Get Money Oil’ on my apron one time, and that week I got fired from fuckin’ three jobs and I got fuckin’ arrested! Don’t fuckin’ mess with witchcraft!

–Coldstone, 6th Avenue

Overheard by: rpk

Old teacher: Teaching tenth grade isn’t so bad. By that time the rotten ones don’t bother to show up or they’re already in jail.

–E train

Overheard by: jobee

White, mid-40s nerd petting dog: You know, I think it’s really funny how a guy can pet a dog and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the second he does it to a stranger on the street, they wanna lock him in jail.

–Marquet Cafe, E 12th St.

Overheard by: Grace

Paris Hilton Is No Zoologist, But She Knows What She Likes

Girl #1: That’s a cute dog, I have one too.
Girl #2: Thank you.
Girl #1: Is that a toy terrier?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I just know he’s cute.

–Broadway & Spring St

Overheard by: Holden

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist