Crazy guy, about Scottish Deerhounds: See, they've got personality. They're enjoying themselves. They've got four legs, but we say we're smarter? I wish I had four legs.
German owner of Deerhounds: Then you couldn't open doors.
Crazy guy: But what if one of my front paws had a hand? Then I could open doors.
–Marcus Garvey Dog Run, 120th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: anna
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
–2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
–West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
–Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
–87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
–Times Square
Large bald man: The first time I was flogged by my master, it was revelatory.
Man in sunglasses: Great. Well, I'd like to get you up on a cross, get you really straining.
–19th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sam
Crazy old man: Was I fucking talking to you?
Young hoodie: Yo man, you need to calm down.
Crazy old man: Don't you fucking talk to me!
Young hoodie: Step off son, step off.
Old guy, a few seats over: Hey! (points at both men, who stop and stare) Chilly willy everybody, chilly willy.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mr. Nightingale
Pretty young lady: Oh no, I hope that crazy guy doesn't try to hit on me.
Crazy guy to girl: Fuck you, pig! I hope you die, bitch!
Pretty lady's friend: I love this city.
–East Village
Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample?
Barista: I'm sorry?
Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee.
Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore.
Crazy dude: Huh?
Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas?
Crazy dude: No.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Flea
Headline by: drkipper
Runners-Up:
· “I Was Just Venti-ng” – fuvvcckkk
· “In His Defense, No One Else Thinks That It’s Really Coffee Either” – Peter G.
· “Naomi Campbell’s Lesser Known Brother Strikes Again” – Jakal
· “The Sequel to “Memento” Lacks the Narrative Drive Of the First” – Toby
· “You Should See What He Did at the Sex Shop Down the Street” – Charlie
Crazy hobo to man trying to ignore him: Did you know that Chinese has over 50,000 dialects?
Uninterested man: Wow, that's a lot…
Crazy hobo: And there are 18 provinces in Canada, not 4!
Uninterested man: You don't say…
(very long pause)
Crazy hobo: So, what kind of medication are you on?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Pete
Indian hipster on cell: Yeah, man, no worries. I want to see you guys. I'll definitely finagle my way uptown somehow.
Crazy hobo, jumping alongside hipster: Yeah! You gotta finagle! How else would you get there? Finagle, man, you gotta finagle!
–Bowery & Broome
Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!
–Port Authority Bus Station
Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?
–N Train
Overheard by: Tater
Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!
–23rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?
–31st b/w 9th &10th
Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone
Conductor: If you see something, say something.
Crazy fat lady reading book: Mind your own business, don't say anything. (a few minutes later) I don't wanna be no Asian, I don't wanna be the size of no Asian.
–Downtown A train
