Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?
–2/3 station, Fulton St
Overheard by: Karen Maria
Junkie lady to junkie guy: Get your hands out of your pockets! No pocket pool!
–22nd & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Damian
Teen girl #1: I really want some sa’mores. We should totally make sa’mores.
Teen girl #2: Sa’mores? It’s ‘s’mores,’ not ‘sa’mores’! Sa’mores! Sa’mores… Yeah… Sa’moron!
–81st & 3rd
Overheard by: i love smores
Girl: I’m afraid of water.
Dude #1: I don’t get that. I mean, aren’t we all like 70 percent water or something? Or wait, is that only some people?
Dude #2: She’s talking about being afraid of the ocean, not drinking water.
Dude #1: Ohhh.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: standing in front of them, unfortunately
Guy hearing fireworks go off: Wow! Listen to the fireworks! Or maybe it’s the Soviet Union bombing Manhattan!
Girl, obviously unimpressed: Yeah, they totally need to make a comeback.
–3rd & 5th
Asian girl helping blonde with Japanese assignment: Okay, now tell me about something you would eat.
Blonde: Uhhh… Watashiwa inu o tabemasu…
Asian, exasperated: You don’t eat dogs!
Blonde: Well, in Japan you do!
–Outside University Restaurant, University Place
Dude #1: I can’t believe that random-ass bitch was there.
Dude #2: She was there?
Dude #1: Yeah. Now I have to call her.
–6 train
Overheard by: tricia
Cop: Peace and love, you hear me? Peace and love. Peace and love. Fucking peace and love.
Tourist: I just want to know where track four is…
Cop: Peace and love! Now get the fuck out of my train station!
–Penn Station
Girl #1: I can’t wait ’til we get to college. We’re going to be different people. And, like, we’re going to be the best dressed people on campus. We’re gonna be awesome!
Girl #2: Yeah. No one will dress better than us!
Girl #1: Yeah. So awesome!
–Macy’s dressing room, 34th St
Overheard by: evie24
Man on cell: So, my boss texted me and wanted to know about fleshlights…
–B train
Loud lady on cell: So you’re the one who sent me a text message saying, ‘A penis is the best breakfast because it has two eggs, a sausage, and milk’!
–Q25 bus
Chick on cell: You may have texted me about him, but because it was Halloween, I was too busy flogging dogs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McF.
Plagiarist: … And he sent me a text message saying, ‘I guess I have to do your homework now, L-O-L,’ and I’m like, ‘What’s the L-O-L for? You think this is a joke?!’
–Baruch Collge, Newman Vertical Campus
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Girl on cell: They were texting you from downstairs? Oooh, that’s gay.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Jenya
