Hipster #1: I think he escaped from the hospital.
Hipster #2: Yeah, he was wearing hospital garbs, and he looked like he’d peed on himself.
Hipster #2: Where-to now?
Hipster #1: Wherev.
–Deli, 6th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Hipster #1: I think he escaped from the hospital.
Hipster #2: Yeah, he was wearing hospital garbs, and he looked like he’d peed on himself.
Hipster #2: Where-to now?
Hipster #1: Wherev.
–Deli, 6th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Lady buying cigarette paper: When did the price go up to $1.25?!
Cashier: Three months ago… And you’ve asked me every day since.
–Blue Diner Deli, 92nd & 1st
Overheard by: Karen Bernstein
Chick #1: Okay, what do we want to drink?
Chick #2: If I was Roman, my name would be Emperor Fabulous.
Chick #3: Perrier?
–Deli near Prospect Park
Overheard by: Liz Erd
Metrosexual: Do you think she’s a Volvic kind of girl or more of a Poland Spring or Crystal Geyser?
Girlfriend: Ummm, I see her as a Volvic… Maybe not.
Metrosexual: I think I’ll go with Poland Spring. I hope she likes it.
Girlfriend: I hope you’re right.
–Deli, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Maybe she likes the Hudson…
Guy: Man, sandwiches are good.
Chick: You know, like, sandwiches are the best thing since ‘Nam.
–Deli, 120th & Amsterdam
Patron: I’d like a grilled special.
Waiter: We don’t grill ’em.
Patron: Yes, you do. I had one last week.
Waiter: You got lucky.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Customer: I’ll have a twelve-inch wheat —
Deli guy: Foot-long, or half?
Customer: Um… twelve inches. Isn’t that a foot?
Deli guy: Foot-long, or half?
Customer: I think you’re missing something here.
–Subway, Elmsford
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Customer: Are both those tuna?
Deli guy: Yes.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Deli guy: This tuna is chicken.
–3rd & Sullivan
Overheard by: Kimmy Yo
