It's a Beautiful Wednesday in the One-Linerhood

Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!

–Burger King

Overheard by: Laura E.

Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.

–S. Portland & Fulton

Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial

Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!

–Financial District

Posted on October 21, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, Guidos, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

How About If You Walk Me Over There, Chulalongkorn?

Girl: My friend is at the passenger pick-up area. Where is that?
Airport worker: The passenger pick-up is where the passenger is picked up.
Girl: Yeah, where is it?
Airport worker: At the passenger pick-up.

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on October 20, 2009
Airports, Clerks, Directions, Girls, LaGuardia Airport, Questions, Stupidity

Everyone's Life Is Full Of Similar Ironies, Trevor

Thug #1 to old man asking for directions: Ask my man here, he the boy from Queens.
Thug #2: That ain't my fault, nigga! That's just where my momma happened to have me!

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on October 10, 2009
Apologies, Directions, NYC Geography, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Thugs

Fine by Us.

Tourist woman #1: These people are all moving so fast…
Tourist woman #2: That's because they're in a rush. Don't ask them for directions.

–49th & 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on October 8, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Directions, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Tourism, Tourists

I'm Getting You a Cell Phone

Little boy: When we leave, how do we know how to get home?
Waspy mommy: Oh! C'mon sweetie, you know our street don't you?
Little boy: Uptown!

–Saks

Overheard by: smith

Posted on October 5, 2009
Directions, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Store, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Forgot Their Coffee This Morning

Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!

–Amtrak Train

College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!

–6 Train

Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wait what?

Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!

–Doctor's Office, Astoria

Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: trev

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Bus, Central Park, Clerks, Conductors, Crying, Directions, Doctors, Frat Boys, Friends, Latinos, Men, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Only in New York, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoot, STDs, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And Stay As Far Away from Me As Possible

Girl #1: No way, where is that?
Girl #2: St. Mark's.
Girl #1: No way! I live right there. Where on St. Mark's?
Girl #2: St. Mark's and 2nd Avenue.
Girl #1: No way! That's where I live! Should I get my hair cut there?
Girl #2: No.

–Park Ave South

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on September 13, 2009
Directions, Girls, Hair, Questions, Street

So, Technically True…

Tourist dad: Sorry, but where are we right now?
Local: Midgard.
Tourist dad: Thanks! Wait, what?

–Union Square

Overheard by: kabu

Posted on August 29, 2009
Dads, Directions, Global Geography, Questions, Strangers, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village

Long Island Expressway: Nobody Gets Me

Midwestern tourist to New York businesswoman: Is this where I can get the Long Island expressway?
Businesswoman, exasperated: Are you *fucking* kidding me?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Kiki

Posted on August 17, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, Grand Central, Insults, Midwesterners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Suits, Tourism, Train Station

Today on That's So Raven

“Drunk train” conductor: This is Jamaica station, train to Huntington… Please walk across the platform for the shiny train to Hempstead.
Drunk girl: Ohmygod dude, it's like actually shiny.

–Penn Station

Posted on August 15, 2009
Conductors, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Penn Station, Public Transportation

Directions

So, Technically True…