Wednesday One-Loiners

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick!

–LaGuardia & W 4th

Overheard by: Not drunk

College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kate V.

Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.

–South Park Slope

Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You.

–Central Park Entrance

Overheard by: HAIR-y

Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second.

–Century 21 Store

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point.

–Penn Station

Posted on July 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Height, Insults, Jocks, Men, On Cell, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Port Authority, Race, Sex, Store, The Village, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

When Bogie Met Bacall, He Was Drunk and She Was Just a Kid

Drunk guy, catcalling: Meow!
Mini-skirt girl, first shocked, then laughing: Woof, woof!

–E 7th & Ave A

Overheard by: animal lover

Posted on July 13, 2015
Compliments, Drunks, Girls, Languages, Union Square and East Village

That’s Not How I Overheard Tiffany Tell It

Drunk White guy: Do you think I’m a good looking guy?
Teen chick: No, you are ugly.
Drunk White guy: Tell me what is ugly about me. Is it the scars on my face? I used to be a fighter.

She leaves the subway car.

Drunk White guy: I’ve had plenty of pussy. Black, White, Spanish, Colombian–that was the best–young Hispanic, young White, one time this nice African-American girl Tiffany. We were really in love…

–6 train

Posted on July 9, 2015
Drunks, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Teens, White People

“Well, at least no one overheard us.”

Drunk Suit #1: You do realize that we’re going to jail for this, right?
Drunk Suit #2: Yeah, I know.
Drunk Suit #1: I mean, Powers is dead!

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on July 2, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Prison, Suits

That’ll Teach Vito to Blab to the Feds

Drunk white dude: We saw this fuckin’ rat in our pantry, so I whisper over to my roommate, ‘Dude, dude! There’s a fucking rat in the pantry!’ So I, like, grab a butter knife and shit, and like, I stabbed it! I fuckin’ stabbed that fuckin’ rat!
Black chick: Wow! Did you kill it?
Drunk white dude: Nah, it like, bled a lot and shit, so we threw it in the dumpster. I tried to, like, smash its skull, but I couldn’t do it.
Drunk white girl, not part of their conversation: Shut the fuck up!

–8th St station

Posted on June 29, 2015
Animals & Nature, Drunks, Stab, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

For the Last Time, It's “Public Service” Not “Public Servicing.”

Drunk guy: You're not looking too good, are you okay to drive?
Drunk guy: Those officers can suck my dick.
Drunk girl: Those officers will not suck your dick, and they never will.

–W 238th & Waldo Ave

Posted on June 29, 2015
BJs, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, The Bronx

I Love the Condom Hem

Drunk woman: Oh, look at this girl. I love her dress!
Guy: That dress is birth control.

–Prince & Greene

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on June 29, 2015
Drunks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

I Need a Place to Sleep

Drunk frat boy to other drunk frat boy: Fuck you!
Hobo, overlooking: Not if I get there first!

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Hobos, Insults, On the Subway, Sex

It Was a “Five Finger Discount” in Every Sense Of the Word

Drunk girl: I'm totally into “Wham, bam, thank you mam.” People think it's trashy but I just wanna get mine.
Less drunk girl: I like to have relationships, make them work for it. I mean, what do you get out of a one-night-stand?
Drunk girl: One time I stole the guy's watch.

–LIRR

Posted on June 26, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, One Night Stand, Questions, Relationships, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Drunks