Drunk derelict #1: I invented big league chew!
Drunk derelict #2: You also have hepatitis.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Drunk derelict #1: I invented big league chew!
Drunk derelict #2: You also have hepatitis.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Drunk nerd #1, extremely loud: Accountancy! Woo!
Drunk nerd #2: Yeahhhh!
Drunk nerd #1: Revenues and expenditures!
Drunk nerd #2: Awright!
Drunk nerd #1: Balance sheets and shit!
Drunk nerd #2: Huh?
–L Train
Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.
–1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!
–30th & 8th
Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…
–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: andebobandy
Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.
–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NJH
Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.
–W 38th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bebe
Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse
Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Zarek
Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.
–Roosevelt Island Tram
Overheard by: Jack Fleming
20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.
–Queens Bridge
Overheard by: SL
Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Kevin
Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.
–Sears, Rego Park, Queens
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl #1: We’re going to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah we’re going to the Taj Lounge! [To random guy.] Get your hot ass to the Taj Lounge!
Drunk girl #1: Leave your face here!
–21st St
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You girls… You girls are visiting the greatest city in the world.
Drunk tourist girls: [giggle.]Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You wanna know why? You wanna know why this is the greatest city in the world?
Drunk tourist girl #1: Why?
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: ‘Cause I can stand right here on the street and ask you to suck my balls.
Drunk girl #1: Um, you can ask us that anywhere.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah… We’re from Wisconsin and people there ask us that all the time.
–Thompson and Bleecker
Overheard by: I guess the Cheeseheads are more brazen than we thought
[hobo walks into the train with bag in cart]Drunk queer standing behind hobo: Move it or lose it.
Hobo: Who the fuck is that?!
Queer: Queen Victoria.
Hobo: I’m a marine, I’ll fucking kill you.
Queer: Let me know when you get your VA check, I’ll help you spend it.
Hobo: Yeah, sure I’ll do that.
Queer: In Central Park.
Hobo: I’ll call you.
Queer: My number’s 444-332. Call me at that number.
Hobo: I won’t call you.
[they get off the train giggling]
–A train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: JohnD
20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.
–N Train Platform, 34th St Station
Overheard by: Regina
[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chockita
Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.
–Theater, St Marks Place
Overheard by: fhqwhgads
Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.
–Bard High School Early College
Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].
–Columbus Circle
Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!
–14th & 6th
Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash
Drunk girl to friends: Wait! Wait, bitches, shut up! This is important!
[Drunk friends turn to her.]Drunk girl: I totally just threw up all over my own feet!
Drunk guy: That’s fucking hot!
–Brother Jimmy’s Bait Shack, 92nd & 3rd
Overheard by: rebecca
Headline by: Adam
Runners-Up:
· “1 Girl, 2 Manolos” – Allyson L.
· “And I Can’t Wait for Volume II Of “Girls Gone Ipecac”” – NotoriousAR
· “How Paris Found Her Catch-Phrase” – Janet
· “If By “Hot” You Mean the Temperature Of My Vomit, Then Yes, It Is Rather Hot.” – CL
· “It’s Because She Vomits Lava.” – Sean McGurr
· “Matchmaker: Remember, Girls. Chunks Turn on Hunks.” – NewFaceOfEvil
· “Usually I Have to Pay Extra for That” – As do I
· “When Fetishes Collide” – Jon
Drunk girl #1: Maybe it’s time for you to go home and take care of your baby.
Drunk girl #2: I am only a little bit pregnant.
–Dorrian’s, 84th & 2nd
