Girl: Say, for instance, if somebody killed your mother and you killed theirs to get back at him–
Guy: Don’t even suggest such a thing! You’re talking to fucking Oedipus here.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Matthew Smith
Girl: Say, for instance, if somebody killed your mother and you killed theirs to get back at him–
Guy: Don’t even suggest such a thing! You’re talking to fucking Oedipus here.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Matthew Smith
Woman: So ummm, what do you think about this painting?
Man: I can’t believe you said I kiss exactly like my brother!
Woman: I love Monet, he uses such vivid colors…
Man: Yuck, now it feels like I’ve kissed my brother as well!
–The Met
Cash register guy: Yo man, how you doing? I saw your daughter walk past here yesterday. She was with some new dude.
Bagel customer: Really?
Cash register guy: Yeah, I never saw her with this guy before.
Bagel customer: Yeah, I don’t really keep track of her.
Cash register guy: Yeah man, she’s always with a different guy. I never see her with the same guy twice. You know, one day I saw her two times in an afternoon, and she was hangin’ all over a different guy each time. Two in the same day, you know?
Bagel customer: I don’t control what she does.
–87th & 1st
Overheard by: K. Fung
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!
–Sheraton Hotel
Overheard by: Morgan
Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!
–SVA Animation Department
Overheard by: Laughing
Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: JO in Bobst
Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.
–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square
Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall
[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"
–Office bathroom, 31st Street
Mother: I swear, the next time you're late coming to see me… I mean, I'll give you five minutes and then I'm gone.
Daughter: I couldn't help it. They were doing room inspections and I had to stick around.
Mother: Room inspections?
Daughter: Yeah, they come around and check your rooms, make sure there's like no lights or no alcohol.
Mother: What about the alcohol I gave you?
Daughter: They don't open drawers.
–Pizza Place near Columbia University
Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife… She’s my second cousin… She was also my second wife.
–136th St, Harlem
Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, ‘How do I spell my name?’
–D train
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Loud woman on cell: She’s evil! Don’t you know she killed mama? That’s the family secret!
–Q83 bus
Overheard by: It’s Jady, BiTChesss!!
Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron!
–11th Ave
Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don’t know why… She’s such an ungrateful little bitch.
–Grand Central
Man on cell: … So she said, ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it… You have a four-year-old son.’
–26th & Park
Overheard by: Nick
Boy #1: Suck my dick!
Boy #2: Fuck you!
Boy #1: Suck my dick! I had sex with your mother (long pause) she had… a little baby!
–Graham Ave & Ainslie St, Williamsburg
Little boy: Myrtle kissed me. She is so sweet of me.
Mom: She's “sweet of you”? You're three years old. How do you know those words? Well, no one should kiss you except family members.
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Overheard by: Alexandra
Small, nervous boy: Mom, what’s necrophilia?
Harried mother: Jesus Christ! I told you not to hang around Uncle Gary unless there’s another adult with you!
Small, nervous boy: I didn’t! My daddy was there, too!
Harried mother: Oh my god. We’re moving back to the Island.
–12th St & Ave B
NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Lexey
Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.
–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn
Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.
–Museum Mile
Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St
Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!
–Cardozo High School
MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.
–1 train station elevator, 168th St
Overheard by: martin gehrke
Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: dutchman
