Get Outta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about Santa…

Guy with fliers: Psychic readings! Only 10 dollars! Psychic readings!
Realist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the money at, why don’t she go get it herself?
Guy, dropping fliers: Word! I’m going to go ask that bitch now!

–Union Square

Headline by: Allison

Runners-Up:

· “He’s a regular Nostra-Dumbass” – Smellface

· “I see dead presidents!” – The Amazing Gotcharocksoff

· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Sucker, The 3 Of Sheisters” – the ace of spades

· “That Takes a Pair of Crystal Balls.” – DanK

· “We ALL saw that coming” – JP

· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Leprechaun At” – wookie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 4, 2015
Flyer people, Headline Contest Winners, Money & Class, Psychic, Union Square and East Village

Don’t Bogart the Wednesday One-Liners!

Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Engi

Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?

–MacDougal & Bleecker

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Overheard by: BB

Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!

–A train, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.

–6 train

Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.

–1515 Broadway

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 3, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Default, Fears, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Race, Stoners, The Village, Time, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weed, Yuppies

Not Since I Went on Oprah and Tried to Speak

Comedy pimp: You guys like comedy? Wanna see a comedy show?
College guy: Sorry, I don’t usually.
Comedy pimp: Talk to black people?
College guy: Have my sentences finished by black people?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on May 30, 2015
Black People, Comebacks, Flyer people, Guys, Offers and requests, Race, Students, Theater & Dance, Times Square

Men Will Abuse Women until It Stops Working

Promoter: Would you like a free L Magazine?
Woman: No, thanks.
Promoter: Bitch, it’s free.
Woman: Oh, free? Well, why didn’t you tell me? I’ll take two.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Libby

Posted on May 4, 2015
Flyer people, Jobs & Careers, Port Authority

Beggars Can’t Afford to Be Ideologues

Hustler for the homeless: Give 25 cents to end homelessness. Just 25 cents so America won’t be homeless. Excuse me, sir, do you want to help?
Suit: Nope. I don’t like America.
Hustler for the homeless: Well, have fun with your fucking Russian army, sir.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Spoons

Posted on May 4, 2015
Etiquette, Flyer people, Port Authority, Suits

What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

Posted on April 26, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Compliments, Creepsters, Fat People, Flyer people, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Strangers, Subway conductors, Weirdness, West Village, White People

Yeah, But We Got to Kill the Bastard

Woman: I know why you’re doing this [handing out flyers.] Jew for Jesus: Oh, why?
Woman: Because you’re jealous that we have Christmas and you all want to be able to put up a tree and lights and decorate!

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Posted on April 26, 2015
Brooklyn, Christianity, Flyer people, Holidays, Jews, Judaism, Questions, Women

They’re So Going to the Outer Darkness

Promoter guy: Do you girls like comedy?
Girl #1: No.
Promoter guy: You telling me you girls don’t like to
laugh?
Girl #2: Laughing is against our religion.
Promoter guy: And what religion would that be?
Girl #1: Mormon.

–Broadway between Bleecker & Houston