Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you?
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: TrigStarr
Pudgy tourist mom to sulking pudgy son: You’re not getting it, you’re not getting it!
Pudgy tourist dad to sulking pudgy son: We’re going to a nice restaurant, you are not gonna be an animal!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: wants to know what the kid wanted
(teenage lovers on city bus)
Teenage girl: Was that an eggplant sandwich I saw you eating?
Teenage boy: Yes, it was actually eggplant Parmesan.
Teenage girl: But, you don’t even like eggs.
–SI City Bus
(in front of national HQ of Girl Scouts of America)
Construction worker #1: Do you see all the rich marble they used on this building?
Construction worker #2: Yeah. They sure had to sell a lot of fuckin’ cookies to afford it.
–37th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: dodgerswill
Headline by: C.J.
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, the United States Thin Mint Just Prints Them Money” – Lauren
· “I’ll Take 7,954,300,348,000 Boxes Of Thin Mints Please!” – Eino Hill
· “It’s Actually Constructed Of Stale Do-Si-Dos and the Corpses Of Girls Who Didn’t Reach Their Quota” – Matthew K. Johnson
· “The Building Was Funded by an Anonymous Benefactor, on the Condition That It Be Built on Sesame Street.” – James
· “The Reason They Added Heroin to Thin Mints” – ILOVEThinMints
· “Turning Tricks Is for Kids” – Qasar
· “You Should See the Boy Scouts Of America HQ… Don’t Ask What They Sold.” – fox
Amazed thugette: You know you ain’t in the hood, ’cause it says "Wine & Spirits!"
–12th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Toto
Box office employee: I bought this really awesome bottle of wine and I was like: "Oh, I’m going to make really amazing pasta with vegetables and bullets in it and glass and blood and it’ll be fantastic." But then I didn’t.
–Pearl Theatre
Overheard by: Mariah
Middle aged white guy: Yeah, you can get cheap wine in Harlem, but who wants to get a massage there?
–Thai Restaurant
Belligerent toddler to mom making purchase: That’s not enough wine, mom! That’s not enough wiiiine!
–International Wine & Spirits, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipster to his date: It’s like in the old DC Comics. Superman, you know, his weakness was Kryptonite, but there wasn’t just green Kryptonite. In the old DC Comics there was green, red, blue Kryptonite, all colors of the rainbow. Green Kryptonite killed him, but with the others, like, blue Kryptonite transferred his powers to someone else or something like that. Red turned him evil. All these different colors of Kryptonite had different properties. And that’s how wine is with me. Every glass of wine, I don’t know what I’m going to get… That analogy was not so great.
–Hope & Anchor Diner, Red Hook
Overheard by: AeC
Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.
–1 Train
Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.
–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ryn
Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!
–N Train
Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.
–F Train Platform
Overheard by: Garuda
Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
(two girls standing in line)
Girl #1(with two cupcakes): I can justify buying two because I walk here and walk home.
Girl #2: Are you walking home tonight?
Girl #3: No.
–Magnolia Bakery
Teacher: Alright, so what are the positives and negatives about eating ice cream?
Student #1: It’s good on a hot day.
Teacher: Good. What else?
Student #2: (under his breath) It’s also good on a hot body…
Teacher: Let’s pretend you didn’t just say that.
–Edward R. Murrow Highschool Classroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: anonymous
Young guy #1: How often do I have to feed her fish?
Young guy #2: Don’t ask me dude, I’ve fucked every fish I’ve ever owned… Wait. I don’t fuck fish!
–1 Train
