Foreigners

Dude, Where Are My Wednesday One-Liners?

Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.

–17th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vespa

(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!

–9th & Stuyvesant

Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…

–27th b/w 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Kyle

Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.

–Lower East Side

50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Graham Davis

But the Pressure of Your Gaze Is Unwelcome

Thugette #1: I don’t care if Jake is smaller than him — I ain’t lettin’ him in my ass.
Thugette #2: You can cum from it. [Cool British guy turns to look at them as he passes.]Thugette #1: What you looking at?
Cool British guy: Would you really like me to answer that?
Thugette #1, sheepishly: No.

–Times Square

International Wednesday One-Liners Of Mystery

Lady: So I do everything my friends do. She starting dating a Turkish guy, so so did I.

–Hookah Bar, Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: HookahFanatic

Teenage girl to another: His name was "ingles," but he didn't know a single word of ingles. That's ironical.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Karishma Gurtu

Father to two young sons: There were 1.5 million Manhattan Indians, so only the Dutch could tell you what happened to them.

–Outside the Federal Reserve

20-something girl to friend: I think I must be French. It takes me like, five hours to finish a sandwich.

–Broadway & 39th St

Woman: At least the earrings weren't as expensive as a Chinese daughter.

–116th St & 8th

Overheard by: Matt & Stacy

But There’s No ‘Where’ There

Chick: So where in Iowa are you from?

–UES

And Here I've Been Spelling “Colour” Without the U Like a Fool! A Fool!!

Protester outside UN: Down with the British!
British coworker: What's with this shit?
American coworker: Apparently Britain is controlling the American government!
British coworker: Why the fuck haven't I been told?

–47th & 2nd

Overheard by: David

There's Always a High Fence Between Generations

20-something guy: That new Arizona law is messed-up, man. They are gonna have to…
60-something guy, interrupting: The law is right, they gotta get those Mexicans before they kill us.
20-something guy: What!?
60-something guy: I don't know what Obama is waiting for. They need to make Mexico a state.
20-something guy: Do you even know what your saying?
60-something guy: You're still young. I speak the truth.

–73rd St & Broadway

Then You Should Stop Doing It…

Bully: What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? Why are you jacking me?
Scared Russian teen: I don’t know what that means!

–D Train

And the Canadian Hat Dance

Deli worker: What part of Mexico are you from?
Tourist: Umm… We’re from Canada.
Deli worker: Oh. You sure like spicy peppers.
Tourist: Yeah. All Canadians like spicy peppers.
Deli worker: True.

–Broadway & Liberty

That's What You Said About Arby's!

New York girl: So that's our neighborhood Babies “R” Us.
Out-of-town girl: Mmm. Sounds delicious.

–Union Square East

Overheard by: I wonder what sauce she uses…

Back Home We Have Camps for People Like You!

Angry European husband: Listen, you take American currency, don’t you? We can pay US cash! That’s money!
Clerk: Sir, the sign says credit, debit or gift card only. We can’t accept money at this counter. You have to go to the other side.
Angry European husband: This is bullshit. You don’t accept money? You’re a liar who doesn’t know English! I see everyone here paying money at this counter!
Clerk: Sir, we can’t take money at this counter. No cash. No money. Just cards.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid!
Clerk: Alright. Bye, have a nice day. Next.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You’re so stupid! Learn English before you get a job here!

–Century 21 across from WTC

Headline by: snarls

Runners-Up:
· “Any Wonder They’ve Starteed Two World Wars Was Immediately Dispatched” – Ty
· “Charles & Camilla Charmed Everyone During Their Visit” – Zoot, Just Zoot
· “Go Back To Whatever Country I Came From” – Kevin P
· “God, I HATE Being Trapped in This Stupid Visa Commercial!” – Never Carries Cash
· “It’s Getting Difficult To Tell The Tourists From Natives” – Trey Jackson
· “La Vengeance Est Douce: or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love America” – noon
· “The American Meltdown Pot” – Qasar
· “Whose Line Was That, Anyway?” – Marie

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