Friends

Girl on cell: It's 111 Columbus. No, Columbus as in the guy who discovered the world.

–Houston & Broadway

Guy to group: Napoleon is the funniest guy ever!

–Fordham University, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Hipster: Europe is cool, you know, because the towns are like soil samples when you look at them. You can pull the historical soil sample and see the layers of crustaceans and stuff.

–Party, Park Slope

20-something girl to friends: Mix tapes are like a little piece of history.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jo King

Male professor: Remember for your papers, John Brown was hanged, not hung. He might have been hung too but that is a different topic.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Go Rams!

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: JC

Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?

–C Train

Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless.

–125th St

Overheard by: Reilly

Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid.

–5th & 83rd

Overheard by: Kelly

Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)

–The Village

Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: StriderNo9

Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?

–MoMA

Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.

–46th and 9th

Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B

Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?

–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th

Overheard by: ooga booga

Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ketchup lover

Unmasked woman to two men wearing medical masks: Who cares if he's gay? Gay's not a disease!
Masked man: Yes it is!

–Lower East Side

Girl in heels to friends, trailing behind teacher: Look at him trying to shake us! Ain't never gonna happen. (calls ahead loudly) Mr. Daniels! Can we go to Sephora?
Teacher: (looks over shoulder, goes from fast walk to jog)

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scarface

Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: LisaLisa

Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.

–W Broadway & Thomas

Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl #1: So after all that, can’ t you understand why I’m pretty much a full-fledged lesbian now?
Girl #2: In a way, but I think you could still be into guys. I have a hard time believing you don’t have feelings for Jarrod.
Girl #1: No, I really don’t. That’s done.
Girl #2: I totally support you. I just think, you know, there’s more than one way to eat a Reese’s.
Girl #1: Exactly.

–Metro North

Overheard by: ianbobian

Columbia nerd: I feel weird just knocking on the door and asking if he’s there.
Friend: That’s not weird though?
Columbia nerd: But they’re all hipsters and full of attitude and judgment. Those people intimidate me.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Mark Hussa

Staten Island chick to friend: Remember when we got off at this stop because some guy lied to us and told us we were in Brooklyn?
Uninterested friend to random guy next to her: I like your shoes.

–Brooklyn Bound 4 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Guy: I’m only a dork in New York. In Chicago I was pretty cool.
Girl: So why don’t you live there?

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Dave