[After being asked for full fare.]Ghetto woman: No, ma’am! I do not have to pay! Did you forget about Abraham Lincoln in 1856, I mean 1865? He freed the slaves! Guess you forgot!
Assistant conductor: I still need the full fare, ma’am!
Ghetto woman: No, ma’am! I still don’t see my reparations! Where’s my check?!?! Where’s my 40 acres and a mule?!?!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Laughing Whitey
Ghettomama: My son’s favorite color used to be red, because his father is a Blood, but I’ve gotten him out of that. Now it’s blue, and his father is going nuts.
–30th & 5th
8-year-old boy: But why does your mom want to get so many tattoos?
–94th between Broadway & Amsterdam
Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?
–8th Ave & 44th St
Overheard by: Dean
Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.
–1 Train
Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.
–93rd & Broadway
Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!
–Fordham Road
Overheard by: Laura
Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!
–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Phycobilins
Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].
–PATH
Overheard by: Manhattman
Voice over speaker phone: Bitch, I tol’ you stay away! I tol’ you back off! Bitch!
Girl, very calmly: That kinda attitude is why your man is eatin’ my pussy.
–Washington & Lafayette, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: nmf
Black chick #1: You know what’s the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut.”
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Turby
An Asian woman is talking loudly on her cell phone
Fat Black lady: You need to move to the back of the damn bus. We don’t wanna hear that ching-chang ching-chong bullshit!
–Q34 bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Ghetto store employee #1: Yo, they got people in Egypt?
Ghetto store employee #2: Yeah, they got Pizza Hut an everything. Right across the street from the pyramids an shit.
Ghetto store employee #1: Why they be eatin pizza? It’s hot in the desert they ain’t got to be eatin no hot pizza!
–Mass Produced Clothing Store, SoHo
Girl: I’ve been with an equal number of men and women, and let me tell you: more men ask for a couple fingers up their ass than women.
Guy: Oh yeah, a little prostate massage.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: CityRag
Little girl: Mommy, how old will I be when I have sex?
–18th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mayde and Daniel
