Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.
–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington
Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.
–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington
Girl: So she made a mistake!
Man: She’s a pedophile!
Girl: It was a big mistake!
–62nd & York
Overheard by: petey
NYU girl #1: There is hair everywhere in my life.
NYU girl #2: Really?
NYU girl #1: It’s literally in everything I eat.
–NYU Dorm
Daughter: Huh? I thought the Bronx was on the mainland.
Mother: You may be right.
Daughter: How do you not know?! You lived there!
Mother: Things have change since then.
–LIRR
Girl #1: Whenever I come here I wanna buy stuff.
Girl #2: Me too!
Girl #1: It’s really bad.
Girl #2: It’s so bad.
–Sephora, Union Square
Overheard by: MKB
Girl: So, how many people do you share an apartment with right now?
Guy: Seventeen.
Girl: That’s cool!
–Lower East Side
Asian boy: So I went on a date with this guy -and this has happened before- he asked me if I shave my arms! And I was like: “No… I’m Asian.”
White girl: Are Asians hairless?
–5 Mott Street
Overheard by: Laura B
Headline by: Toby
Runners-Up:
· “Asians Also Lack a Four-Chambered Heart.” – Matthew
· “Later He Asked Me If I’d Had Penis Reduction Surgery” – Jazz Musician
· “Racism Isn’t Waning – It’s Waxing” – Alchar Haven
· “What Do You Think We Are, Mammals?” – kew
· “Why Anime and Furries Just Don’t Mix!” – GeekGrrl
· “Yes, But We All Buy the Same Wigs” – Melissa
· “Yes, It Makes Us More Aerodynamic So We Breeze Through Those Math Classes.” – JohnnyB
Suit: Do you know what it’s like when you’re reading the news and you get 19 clips of Brazilian women fucking?
–Astor Place & Lafayette
Overheard by: that’s a problem?
Woman to dinner companion: I think I’d like to get into flagellation porn. I’m not really sure how to go about it though.
–Ludlow & Broome
Random girl, during lull in party conversation: But it’s straight porn!
–Bleecker & W 10th
Overheard by: Deontology
Guy: I wouldn’t fuck her if she was the last person on earth! There had better be porn on cable!
–5 Train
Professor: Does anyone know Henry Miller? [Girl raises her hand.] You and those of us… those of us who had to resort to the Sears Roebuck catalog for porn… Well, when we got older we had to turn to higher literature so we’d flip through Henry Miller for delightful dirty passages.
–Religion Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: liza
Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!
–New Dance Group, West 38th St
Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!
–14th & 4th
High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: Caro-kun
18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.
–50th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!
–2nd Ave & 11th
Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!
–34th & Broadway
Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.
Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.
–Midwood, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Feliz Navidad
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyla
