I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compliments, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penn Station, Politics, President, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Liars, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Store, Students, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

He Looks So Lucky

Hobo, to trees: 56, 60, 61, 20!
Girl: I think he just gave me my lottery numbers!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on February 19, 2008
Default, Girls, Hobos, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Like Grab His Crotch?

White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!

–Broadway

Posted on February 19, 2008
Asians, Ass, Default, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Manhattan, Stupidity, White People

Now Kindly Retract Your Tongue

Drunk guy: Do you dare me to lick this pole?
Girl: I don’t have my camera on me, so not right now. Maybe some other time.

–Queens-bound F train

Posted on February 18, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

So Forget Whatever Weird-Ass Fantasy You Just Had

Queer hipster: Oooh! We can share your bed!
Hipster chick: Yeah… I have a pull-out couch, too.

–Enid’s, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Jack!

Posted on February 18, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Queers

Try to Imagine a Club without Strippers

Comedy club promoter: You girls like comedy clubs, right?
Girl: No, sorry.
Comedy club promoter: You must be from New Jersey.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lana S.

Posted on February 18, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Questions, Theater & Dance, Times Square, U.S. Geography, Vendors & Street Performers

Is There Anything Hotter Than Geek-Girls?

Chick #1: Oh my god! You have Sonic the Hedgehog on your phone?! I used to love his partner. What was her name? Oh, yeah, it was ‘Tails’!
Chick #2: Yeah, they used to call me that at my old job.
Chick #1: They used to call you ‘Sonic’ at work?
Chick #2: They used to call me ‘Tails,’ not ‘Sonic,’ motherfucker.

–L train

Overheard by: yooo nellehh!!!

Posted on February 18, 2008
Cell Phone, Default, Girls, Gripes, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway