Wednesday One-Liners Will Bring the Keg

Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.

–59th & Lex N/R/W stop

Overheard by: koala

Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…

–34th & 3rd

20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.

–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Suzz

Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.

–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Two Thumbs Up for Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not gonna lie to you — I’m broke, homeless, and I really wanna see Big Momma’s House 2. Please spare some change.

–F train

Overheard by: benny

20-ish chick: Why is Jason Bateman in a movie called Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? This ruins all of my fantasies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Diner: Yo, ‘hyena’ — I know how that’s spelled. H-Y-H-E-E-N-A. High-heena! I know that shit. I saw The Lion King.

–IHOP, Staten Island

Overheard by: explosivo

Ghetto white girl: She never even saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s until I lent it to her… Tryin’ to act like that’s her shit…

–B train

Young Socrates: Yo, son, Saw II is the ill philosophic reference.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: fival went east

Flight attendant: Attention, passengers, please turn your attention to channel 30. Caddyshack is on!

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Erica: I quickly went to channel thirty

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Brooklyn College, Default, Flight Attendants, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Idiots, LaGuardia Airport, Movies, On the Subway, Panhandling, Philosophy, Porn, Staten Island, Stupidity, White People, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Liberry

Teen boy: Yeah, I read the audio book.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Sarah

Chick: My life has really changed since moving to New York. Like, in L.A. I use to read Us Weekly, and now I read The New Yorker.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Aileen

UWS mom to hippie college son: Darling, I’ve decided we must get this book because it feels really quite wonderful. [Customers gawk.] I know it sounds weird, but the way a book feels means a lot, and this one feels good. Oh, and I like the cover.

–The Strand

Overheard by: losaida lois

Literary agent: God, I’m so sick of domestic violence memoirs. I just want to go beat the crap out of them.

–W 35th St

Lit professor: Reading Ulysses for the first time, like other life experiences we have for the first time, is not quite as pleasurable as we might have hoped it would be. However, unlike other life experiences we have for the first time, reading Ulysses lasts much, much longer.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: amelia

Posted on February 27, 2008
Advice, Books & Writing, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Default, Girls, Gripes, Intelligentsia, Lower East Side, Moms, News, Store, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Words

The Battle of the Sexes Comes to the Peace Table. Sort Of.

Girl: Please!
Guy: No!
Girl: Come on!
Guy: No!
Girl: Pleeease, just once!
Guy: I’m not going to let you mace me!
Girl: Come on… I’ll let you punch me in the ovaries.
Guy: … Just one, or both?

–Sullivan & Prince

Posted on February 26, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Soho, Violence, Weirdness

Think about It — What Are the Odds?

Activist girl: Sir, ma’am, do you have one minute to help the Democratic party?
Chipper passerby chick: No, but I have your shirt!
Activist girl, unimpressed: Awesome.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on February 25, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Politics, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

From The Girls Next Door Outtakes

Guy: Daaamn, you da prettiest girl I seen all month. Come over here an’ talk to me.
Chick: Oh?
Guy: Shit, I’ma call you ‘Miss September.’

–151 Amsterdam

Overheard by: craps under my window

Posted on February 25, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Or Does It?

Girl: I sooo want oatmeal.
Guy: I have a George Foreman grill.
Girl: That doesn’t help me get oatmeal.

–1 train

Overheard by: Ethank

Posted on February 23, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Food, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

This City Has It All!

Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.

–East Village

Overheard by: r. kelly

Posted on February 23, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Kink, Offers and requests, Pee, Thugs, Union Square and East Village

Which Explains Why I’m So Unrealistic

Girl #1: I really like where I live now. Where do you want to live after school? Brooklyn Heights?
Girl #2: I want to live on the Upper East Side, far away from the subway… I plan on cabbing everywhere.
Girl #1: That can get really expensive.
Girl #2: I lived frugally all through undergrad. I plan on living large.
Girl #1: What are you studying, again?
Girl #2: Literature.

–26th & 1st

Overheard by: goodbye blue monday

Posted on February 23, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Students, Wishes & desires