People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Wednesday One-Liners

Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!

–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ja9

Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Holly

Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Alexis

Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Heather

Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Languages, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

It's Like the Dominatrix Of Cities

Elderly woman to elderly man, as a young girl narrowly escapes getting hit by a car: Oh my god, what is it with these crazy people!? I hate this city more and more each day.
Elderly man: Well then, why do you live here?
Elderly woman: Because I love it.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Dee Dee

Posted on June 15, 2009
Gripes, Love, Old People, Psychology, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Even His Mistress Doesn't Put Out!

Female suit: Every time he answers his phone it's with his business greeting. Like, it's your wife, dude, just say hi! God, I hate him.
Gay suit: Yeah, it's like she's the only person who thinks you're important, anyway!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: CollegiateCutie

Posted on June 15, 2009
Comebacks, Family Ties, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Suits

Oddly Enough, It Was an Obama Hat.

German lady, to no one in particular: You know, I vunder. I tink dat de only persons in USA who vatch Two and One-Half Men are from, like, Alabama. Or Nebraska. Someplace not in a city.
Student-type guy: Oh yeah?
German lady: Oh yes, for sure. I vould be shocked if anyvone on this train watches that show. Charlie Sheen is shit.
Student-type guy: Whatever. Just don't watch it.
German lady: No, I do not vatch this. I don't have cable. I hate Charlie Sheen.
Student-type guy: No cable? How do you know anything about the show then? How do you know anything about anything?
German lady: Oh, I know lots of things.
Student-type guy: Who is the President of the United States?
German lady: (silent)
Student-type guy: Are you fucking kidding me? You don't know who the President of the United States is and you're talking about fucking Charlie Sheen? Get the fuck off this train! …and your hat is stupid!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Dice To That

Posted on June 15, 2009
Clothing, Foreigners, Gripes, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, President, Questions, Stupidity, TV

I Was Told There'd Be No Wednesday One-Liner on This Exam

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there are four doors on each subway car. If one of them is crowded, walk over to another door. Seriously! We do not need 86 people standing at 86th Street. Just move to another door. It's simple mathematics!

–C Train

Teen shopper to friend: I like hate math except for like…when I'm counting calories and stuff.

–Fashion Closet

Girl to guy: Some people believe in the laws of attraction, I believe in the laws of subtraction.

–Bus Stop Cafe

Pharmacist to another: What's one half of a half?

–CVS

African-American father to five-year-old daughter: You see? That's why I send you to a Chinese school. Because those Chinese kids know how to do math. You gotta know how to do math if you want to make something of yourself. If I sent you to a black school, you'd just turn into a crackhead. If I sent you to a white school you'd turn into an asshole. But those Chinese kids, man, they know how to do shit.

–4 Train

Teacher: And if your friend comes up to you and says, "man, yesterday I had cosecant pi plus cotangent 2 pi slices of pizza today," …and you went and figured it out, you'd look at him and say "man, you're an asshole!"

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: Kevo

Posted on June 10, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Dads, Diet/Weight, Education, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hunter, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pizza, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Science, Store, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

August.

Young woman #1: And I hate him for it! I was always the needy one! So now he's doing what I taught him. Now he's the needy one. That used to be me! And he's using the tricks I taught him to manipulate me! I hate him so much!
Young woman #2: So when's the wedding?

–Central Park Reservoir

Overheard by: The Grozz