Guy #1: Then, when I get all the money, I’m gonna buy [unintelligible].
Guy #2: What? Buy what?
Guy #1: [Mumbles.]Guy #2: Man, you can’t get that here! You gotta go to Sotheby’s to buy that!
–Outside Food Emporium, 83rd & 3rd
Guy #1: Then, when I get all the money, I’m gonna buy [unintelligible].
Guy #2: What? Buy what?
Guy #1: [Mumbles.]Guy #2: Man, you can’t get that here! You gotta go to Sotheby’s to buy that!
–Outside Food Emporium, 83rd & 3rd
NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Woman: Ooh, where are you taking them?
Dogwalking guy: To pee on your leg.
–21st between 2nd & 3rd
Modest hoochie: Yeah, I can always tell if a guy’s a fag or not by whether he checks out my tits.
–Penn Station
Teenage girl: That’s ’cause Puerto Ricans come up to you and be like, “Hey, Mami, lookin’ hot,” but Dominicans come up to you and be like, “Yo, Mami, you got nice tits!”
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: erlinflask
Woman in tight shirt: I just know, you know, that at some point I’m going to have saggy boobs.
–Ave A between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Nathan
Guy: I contend that if you’re going to allow someone to breast-feed in a public place, then I should be allowed to stare.
–Wd~50, Clinton St
Overheard by: Evan
Toothless Brooklynite: I’m sayin’ she used to have some good pussy and some big ole titties. I’m talking double E-E’s. And she went to the doctor and had them cut off. Her titties was cut off!
–A train
Overheard by: The Law Professor
Teen girl to mother: Maybe I’ll do that. Or maybe I’ll just give myself a boob job with a rusty butter knife and water balloons!
–N train
Guy: Well, it’s not like you can’t say you’ve never had your bosom in somebody’s elbow before.
–Stage door, Eugene O’Neill Theatre, West 49th St
Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!
–MacDougal Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!
–47th & 5th
10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Hannah
Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sydney
Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’
–49th & 7th
Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!
–Bodies Exhibit
Overheard by: a.j.w.
Hipster guy #1: Dude, your hair is getting really long.
Hipster guy #2: I know! It's nice. It's like having a hat…
Hipster guy #1: (silence)
Hipster guy #2: …made of hair.
–NYU
Girl: Are you going to Natalie and Ben's wedding?
Guy: Yeah, I guess. I just hate going to weddings that I don't have faith in.
–5th & 6th
College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…
–Yankee Stadium
Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Joel
Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.
–5th Ave Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dude Santa
Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.
–L Train
Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!
–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street
Overheard by: Amused Bookseller
Gym Guy #1: Just weighed myself.
Gym Guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Gym Guy #1: 172 pounds after a shit.
–Wall Street NYSC
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
