Wednesday One-Liners: Straight, Not Narrow

White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!

–Madison Square Garden

Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Maggie

Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.

–68th & Columbus

Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Headaches

Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on September 19, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Philosophy, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Or Maybe He Did Remember, Took You Out to a Nice Dinner, Liquored You Up, Fucked You in the Ass, and Gave You an STD for Your Trouble?

Guy #1: What? He gave you crabs?
Guy #2: Well, apparently he didn’t remember I was allergic to shellfish.

–The Village

Posted on September 18, 2014
Food, Guys, STDs, The Village

…Then Take the 1 to the Bronx.

Tourist on shuttle headed towards Grand Central: I'm sorry, how do I get to Times Square?
Guy: Take this train two stops.

–Times Square

Posted on September 17, 2014
Directions, Guys, Public Transportation, Questions, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?

Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.

–N Train

Overheard by: dc visitor

Posted on September 17, 2014
Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Parents, Pizza, Questions, Strippers

It’s Good to See People Embracing Religion for Materialistic Reasons

Jewish guy #1: We should become born-again Christians so people have to get us presents and we can have parties on our born-again birthdays.
Jewish guy #2: That is the worst reason for converting I have ever heard… Wait, no — actually, if we do it, can we have born-again bar mitzvahs?

–South St Seaport

Posted on September 17, 2014
Advice, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Gotta Admit, He's Mad Crackerish

Really white guy (loudly): Who is that fucking nigger you're working for now?
Another white guy: Pleasant….so do you live around here now?
Really white guy: Yeah, this is my hood.

–Deli, Greenpoint Ave / Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on September 17, 2014
Delis, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, KKK, Queens, Questions, Race, White People

We’ll Hang Out With the No-Facesitting Crowd

Annoyingly hipster girl: So there’s a fetish party tonight, do you want to go? It’s five bucks.
Annoyingly hipster guy: Oh, I don’t know.
Annoyingly hipster girl: Come on. It will be better than last time, I promise.

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Posted on September 16, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Whole Foods

Thinly-Veiled Racism Is Certainly the Way to My Heart

Guy to girl, seeing large group of black guys ahead: Uh…let's cross the street.
Girl: You're afraid!
Guy: No, it's just that if they wanted to give us trouble, I don't know if I could hold them off while you ran.
Girl: You're cute.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Playing it safe.

Posted on September 16, 2014
Fears, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, Street, Violence

And Yet Which One's Legal?

Guy: But weed gives you cancer.
Girl: No. Cigarettes be givin' you cancer. Weed makes you be high.

–42nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: kimmykins

Posted on September 15, 2014
Cancer, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Smoking, Weed

It’s Chappaqua

Hobo: Come on out, Democrats. Admit it. You fucked up. Admit it. You voted for John Kerry. You fucking Democrats. You voted for someone who likes to dress up like a pixie.
Dude: I wonder what the address is on his voter registration card.

–18th & Irving

Posted on September 15, 2014
Guys, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Politics, Republicans

Guys