Guy: So, David was asking me about Second Life. I told him I was a giant pink bunny that has cyber sex with his mother.
Girl: You are sick.
Guy: Then I told him his mom’s avatar is a clown with an enlarged anal cavity. He still doesn’t see why anyone would pay a monthly fee for it.
–72nd St
Guy #1: So in that movie Cloverfield I heard it was a monster.
Guy #2: Yeah, all the blogs say it's a monster. That would be totally funny if it was Britney Spears.
–M15 Bus
Guy #1: I mean, imagine setting up a car bomb in Times Square, the most populated place in the world and then running away.
Guy #2: Yeah, that's terrible.
Guy #1: I mean, say what you want about suicide bombers, but they give it their all…
–1 Train
Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks!
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: desire
Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
–F train
Guy #1, about wireless: So, yours isn’t secure?
Guy #2: Nah, I just leave it open because I know no one is trying to use it.
Guy #1: How do you know that?
Guy #2: Are you kidding me? I’ve got nothing but Hasidic Jews living 360 degrees around me.
Guy #1: So…
Guy #2: They don’t use computers!
Guy #1: You’re an asshole.
–B train
Overheard by: Can you say antisemitism?
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.
–Central Park
Guy #1: She won't do it. She won't take my last name. It's really important to me. You just don't get it. It's the psychology of the thing!
Guy #2: You have the same last name.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Andrew S
