Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.

–27th St & Park Ave

20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"

–Pub, 59th & 3rd

Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard

20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Lauren

Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.

–116th & Broadway

Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on September 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Cell Phone, College, Columbia University, Computer, Dreams, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

I’m So Fast, They Call Me the Chrysler Building

Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.

Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence] Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!

Female twins flee train.

–F train

Posted on September 5, 2014
Brothers, Clothing, Families, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Ground Zero, Guys, Height, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Sisters, Topics

And You’re Thinking of the Amish

Guy #1, about wireless: So, yours isn’t secure?
Guy #2: Nah, I just leave it open because I know no one is trying to use it.
Guy #1: How do you know that?
Guy #2: Are you kidding me? I’ve got nothing but Hasidic Jews living 360 degrees around me.
Guy #1: So…
Guy #2: They don’t use computers!
Guy #1: You’re an asshole.

–B train

Overheard by: Can you say antisemitism?

Posted on September 5, 2014
Guys, Internet, Judaism, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Have More Stomachs Than a Cow

Teen boy: I like touching fat people.

–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CUMT

Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!

–25th & 8th

Overheard by: Beckerman

Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.

–34th & 5th

Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!

–35rd St & 5th Ave

Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."

–Theater, St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

Posted on September 4, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Education, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

What the Hell’s a “Bum”?

Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.

–Central Park

Posted on September 4, 2014
Central Park, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Manhattan, People, Smokers & Smoking, Words, Yuppies

She Just Doesn't Want It Twice Because It Sounds Like Stuttering

Guy #1: She won't do it. She won't take my last name. It's really important to me. You just don't get it. It's the psychology of the thing!
Guy #2: You have the same last name.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Andrew S

Posted on September 3, 2014
Guys, Names, On the Subway, Psychology

There's Always a High Fence Between Generations

20-something guy: That new Arizona law is messed-up, man. They are gonna have to…
60-something guy, interrupting: The law is right, they gotta get those Mexicans before they kill us.
20-something guy: What!?
60-something guy: I don't know what Obama is waiting for. They need to make Mexico a state.
20-something guy: Do you even know what your saying?
60-something guy: You're still young. I speak the truth.

–73rd St & Broadway

Posted on September 3, 2014
Foreigners, Global Geography, Guys, Murder, Politics, President, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Mangina Attack

Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.

–Elevator, Chelsea

Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.

–1st & Houston

Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.

–Union Square

Overheard by: mk

Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?

–Central Park

Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy

Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?

–2nd & 72nd

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on September 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Elevators, Fears, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Preppies, Questions, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Jill Off

Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian.

–20th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: LoRna

Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her…

–Union Square Greenmarket

Overheard by: borrowed her what?

Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler.

–Ludlow near Rivington

English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian!

–Frock Vintage Store

Overheard by: Shoegal

Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house.

–13th & 1st

Posted on September 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brits, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Shoes, Store, Union Square and East Village, Women

Guys