Conductor: All tickets… Ticket, please.
Drunk pirate guy: I, uh… I don’t have any money… Uh [unintelligible slurring]…
Man nearby: Hey, conductor, ask for the fare in doubloons, or pieces of eight!
–Eastbound LIRR
Overheard by: Alex
Conductor: All tickets… Ticket, please.
Drunk pirate guy: I, uh… I don’t have any money… Uh [unintelligible slurring]…
Man nearby: Hey, conductor, ask for the fare in doubloons, or pieces of eight!
–Eastbound LIRR
Overheard by: Alex
A guy runs down and holds the train doors open. Guy: Yo! Yo! …Yo!
Conductor: Next stop West 4th, stand clear.
The doors close.
Conductor: …I wanna know who “Yo” is.
–A train
Overheard by: p. vale
Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Guy: Oh.
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Guy: Ohh…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Guy: (silence)
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.
–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway
Guy to friend: She overdosed for the first time when she was, like, 14.
Friend: She told you that? (pause) Some first date…
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: JG
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Older guy: This is classic Tupac before the gangsta rap.
High school girl: What you listenin’ to him for? He dead.
–31st & 7th
Headline by: Andrea
Runners-Up:
· “And Besides, His Grammar Is Sub-par” – Louis
· “John Edwards Radio: Dead Artists, Unfinished Buisness” – diana
· “My Anti-posthumousness Rule Also Applies to Literature. Shakespeare? Who Dat?” – Michelle
· “So? 3 Out Of 4 Americans Listen to That Jesus Guy!” – kh
Guy: So, David was asking me about Second Life. I told him I was a giant pink bunny that has cyber sex with his mother.
Girl: You are sick.
Guy: Then I told him his mom’s avatar is a clown with an enlarged anal cavity. He still doesn’t see why anyone would pay a monthly fee for it.
–72nd St
Guy #1: So in that movie Cloverfield I heard it was a monster.
Guy #2: Yeah, all the blogs say it's a monster. That would be totally funny if it was Britney Spears.
–M15 Bus
Guy #1: I mean, imagine setting up a car bomb in Times Square, the most populated place in the world and then running away.
Guy #2: Yeah, that's terrible.
Guy #1: I mean, say what you want about suicide bombers, but they give it their all…
–1 Train
Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks!
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: desire
Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
