Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Should We Start Over?

Black guy: You just made fun of someone with Down's Syndrome!
Hispanic girl: She kicked me!
Black guy (exasperated): Because she has Down's Syndrome!

–Union St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Chihuahua

Posted on October 3, 2014
Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Retardation, Weirdness

Actually, My Dealer Bestowed It Upon Me

Guy: Oh my god! I just snorted!
Girl: Hey! There’s only room for one snorter and I’ve already claimed that title.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on October 3, 2014
Cocaine, Default, Girls, Guys, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Her Teeth Were All Fucked

Bus driver: Take it to the end of the bus.
Dude: What?
Bus driver: Take it to the end of the bus. I don’t want to listen to you cursing.
Dude: What the fuck? I am not talking to you.
Bus driver: I don’t talk like that.
Dude: You look like you talk like that!

–Q23 bus

Posted on October 2, 2014
Anger Management, Bus Drivers, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Guys, On the Bus, Talking/Convos

But She Was Fantasizing About Mr. Clean the Whole Time

Girl: Well, she's newly single so…
Guy with baby: So you know what she's looking for.
Girl: Well, she already hooked up with a bartender in a broom closet.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on September 30, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Hook Ups, Weirdness

And in Practically No Time She Taught Them Everything She Knew

Meathead: I think that’s just so ridiculous that they would expect you to teach these kids when you don’t know the kids at all.
Ditzy girl: Well they had name tags.

–2 train

Posted on September 30, 2014
Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Stupidity

Damn!

Guy: Is that the Smithsonian?
Girl: No, that's in Washington, DC.

–42nd & 5th

Posted on September 30, 2014
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz