(waiting for a train near the last few cars)
Guy: This train looks pretty crowded.
Girl: Yeah. Good thing Jackie isn’t with us.
Guy: What do you mean?
Girl: If Jackie can’t ride in the first car, she’ll wait for the next train.
Guy: Why?
Girl: “Because you get there first!” she says. Jackie! The whole train gets there at the same time!
–Pen Station
Overheard by: GregLarry
Black hipster guy, pointing at newspaper: Look, look at this, I was right! I told you so! Tell me I was right.
Redhead hipster girl: Yeah, you were right.
Black hipster guy: Tell me I was right, and that I'm a sexy motherfucker, and that you want my cock really bad.
Redhead hipster girl: Okay, you were right, you're a sexy motherfucker, and I want your cock sooo bad. (starts whispering in his ear)
Black hipster guy, pushing her away: What is wrong with you? Who raised you? Were you raised by wolves…slutty wolves?
–Uptown 1 Train
Hipster guy #1: Just, like, wait for her to bend down to tie her shoe or some shit.
Hipster guy #2: Then I should put it in? Like, through her pants?
Hipster guy #1: What? You’ve never been that hard?
–Studio B, Brooklyn, NY
Overheard by: DJALLTHETIME
Headline by: blistexaddict
Runners-Up:
· “… But Do Vinyl Stretch Pants Work As a Contraceptive?” – I’m wearing them, just in case
· “It Cuts Through Anything, Even This Aluminum Can.” – Beery
· “It’s the Only Way I Got Any in Saudi Arabia” – master
· “Mary Could Never Quite Explain to Her Doctor How Her Tonsils Got Perforated.” – Jen
· “Oh Sure, That’s How I Sewed This Shirt.” – Taylor
· “Or Just Use That Knife Thing From Se7en” – BabakganoosH
Dude #1: You know how I know you’re gay?
Dude #2, wearily: Because I love Connecticut.
Dude #1: What a fucking horrible place!
–Clinton & Myrtle, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: JP
Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: LisaLisa
Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.
–W Broadway & Thomas
Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy: I believe in telepathy. I know everything about psychology.
Girl: Telepathy is not an accepted kind of psychology. My dad’s a prominent psychologist.
Guy: Psychologists are torn on telepathy. Take my word as truth…it’s real!
–79th & Lexington
Overheard by: Dave
Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!
–Lingerie Department, Macy's
Overheard by: me neither
Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.
–W Broadway & Grand
Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!
–F Train
Overheard by: Brittany Smith
Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.
–108th & Broadway
Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.
–Empire State Building
Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!
–48th & 8th
Girl, trying to move through crowd: I always think of trying to get through crowds like being blood in a vein with clots in it.
Guy: Yeah. We need to get some Coumadin up in this joint!
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Overheard by: threadseven
Guy #1: Yesterday I made some Valentines for my coworkers, and I made up little poems to go in them, to make them extra personal.
Guy #2: Like what?
Guy #1: “Roses are red, violets are blue, your cat chewed on my dick for a little bit, but I didn't know how to tell you.”
Guy #2: Did you get any Valentines back?
Guy #1: No.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Kidd
Dude #1: Yo, son! Son! Look at that horse!
Dude #2: Nah, I don’t like horses much.
Dude #1: No, son! Son! Look at what’s on the horse. Damn.
Dude #2: Damn! Mama Mia! That ass is bigger than the horse’s!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Lizzie-loo
