Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.
–Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg
Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.
–Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg
Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like “I ate your hash brown.”
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown!
–Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Random guy: I was naked in my neighbors' pool this weekend, with my wife and another woman…
Friend: Where were the neighbors?
Random guy: Gone for the weekend. It was great.
–42nd & Lexington
Lanky white guy: Well, I'm still expecting my pony from Obama.
Female friend: He cured your leprosy. Stop complaining.
–187th & Broadway
Overheard by: Zev
20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Overheard by: Robert
Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.
–Uptown D Train
Overheard by: Wes
30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?
–Lafayette & Spring
Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…
–Times Square
Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!
–Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: Marc
Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!
–N Train
Overheard by: Tophs
20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.
–R Train
Overheard by: Tara
20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.
–Waverly & Mercer
Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.
–Queens College
Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.
–Canal St & Laffaette St
Overheard by: Kay
Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!
–C Train
Overheard by: P-Diddy
Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!
–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: A great man
Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.
–7th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: mattamore
Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!
–Penn Station
Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?
–Bench, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Horrified
Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?
–Avenue B & 13th
Clipboard guy: Would you like to sign up for our mailing list?
Old man: Uh…uh… I…uh…uh.
Clipboard guy: You don't have to.
–Wings Theatre
Overheard by: Daniel
Older guy: Come on, just once?
Older lady: No, I'm not role playing anything with you.
–The Nintendo Store
Overheard by: Duckjerky
Guy with mullet #1: Did you get those two pics I sent you?
Guy with mullet #2: Actually, once I downloaded them it was a letdown. I thought that the bottom one was a cross section of an elk against glass, like some deer bodies exhibit or some other fucked shit.
–L Train
Overheard by: Zev
