Drunk guy: Hey, ladies, you want some Smirnoff? You wanna get with– And those are two dudes, aren’t they?
Sober guy: Yeah.
Drunk guy, yelling down the street: Shave your heads!
–Union St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Henry Crawford
Drunk guy: Hey, ladies, you want some Smirnoff? You wanna get with– And those are two dudes, aren’t they?
Sober guy: Yeah.
Drunk guy, yelling down the street: Shave your heads!
–Union St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Henry Crawford
Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!
–8th & 34th
Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: It's how I got mine
Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!
–Coney Island Broadwalk
Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: CG
Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!
–Spring Street, SoHo
Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.
–W 12th & W 4th
Overheard by: michael diamond
Professor: Fat people are often funny.
–Baruch College
Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Caitlin
Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!
–F Train
Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.
–8th St & Broadway
Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.
–Williamsburg
20-something girl: It's made just from the hair of Russian virgins.
20-something female friend: That's gross. It's like they're sacrificing them or something. And what–are they, like, children?
20-something girl: Well, maybe just the hair is virgin, like it's never been dyed.
–Columbus Circle
Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.
–Max, Ave. B
Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it!
–28th St. and Park Avenue
Overheard by: G Varod
Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.”
–CPW and 110th St.
Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!
–A train
Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?
–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee
Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!
–23rd & 5th
NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.
–F train, between York St & E Broadway
Overheard by: j. asner
Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.
–Broadway & LaSalle
Overheard by: nekko-chan
Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’
–JMZ train, Myrtle stop
Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!
Hipster girl #1: I usually don’t mind, but this guy was like… I mean, basically you couldn’t tell if his shirt was on or off, he was that hairy!
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, I used to date a guy like that. You know those hair removal ads for men with the before and after pictures, where they basically take like the hairiest man that ever walked the earth? That was him. Chest, back, shoulders, ass… Covered.
Bear guy: Aw, come on. That’s just plain hot!
–Pink Pony, LES
(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy: Mom, can I roll it on your head?
Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…
–6 Train
Overheard by: 1-800-mattres
Crazy man to cop: Where's you hair? Where's your hair?
Cop: What did you do to yourself?
Crazy man: I didn't do nothin'. Where's your hair?
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Ems
Girl: My new roommate gets freaked out by my composting. She’s like, why are there egg shells and coffee grounds in this bin?
Boy: She has other things to be more freaked out about, like her mustache.
–B54 Bus
