“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

You Suck the Fun Out Of Everything, Lisa

20-something girl: It's made just from the hair of Russian virgins.
20-something female friend: That's gross. It's like they're sacrificing them or something. And what–are they, like, children?
20-something girl: Well, maybe just the hair is virgin, like it's never been dyed.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on December 9, 2014
Friends, Girls, Hair, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Violence, Virginity

Wednesday One-liners

Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.

–Max, Ave. B

Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it!

–28th St. and Park Avenue

Overheard by: G Varod

Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.”

–CPW and 110th St.

Posted on December 7, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Celebrations/Parties, Hair, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Feeling Prickly

Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!

–A train

Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?

–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee

Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!

–23rd & 5th

NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.

–F train, between York St & E Broadway

Overheard by: j. asner

Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.

–Broadway & LaSalle

Overheard by: nekko-chan

Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’

–JMZ train, Myrtle stop

Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!

Posted on November 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

HIs Whole Body’s a Treasure-Trail!

Hipster girl #1: I usually don’t mind, but this guy was like… I mean, basically you couldn’t tell if his shirt was on or off, he was that hairy!
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, I used to date a guy like that. You know those hair removal ads for men with the before and after pictures, where they basically take like the hairiest man that ever walked the earth? That was him. Chest, back, shoulders, ass… Covered.
Bear guy: Aw, come on. That’s just plain hot!

–Pink Pony, LES

Posted on November 8, 2014
Beauty, Clothing, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes

Could I Use Your Vagina As a Stunt Gorge?

(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy: Mom, can I roll it on your head?
Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…

–6 Train

Overheard by: 1-800-mattres

Posted on November 7, 2014
Body Parts, Boys, Default, Hair, Kids, Moms, Nipples, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Wishes & desires

Did You Shave Your Eyes Again, Harry?

Crazy man to cop: Where's you hair? Where's your hair?
Cop: What did you do to yourself?
Crazy man: I didn't do nothin'. Where's your hair?

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Ems

Posted on October 28, 2014
Cops, Crazies, Crazy, Hair, Port Authority, Questions

And Her Apparent Clitoral Hypertrophy

Girl: My new roommate gets freaked out by my composting. She’s like, why are there egg shells and coffee grounds in this bin?
Boy: She has other things to be more freaked out about, like her mustache.

–B54 Bus

Posted on October 27, 2014
Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fears, Food, Girls, Hair, On the Bus, Physical appearance

Hair