Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?
–159th St & River Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Matt
Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?
–159th St & River Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Matt
Tween girl #1: I don’t understand why anyone would be pro-life.
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I’m gonna get my tubes tied once I’m old enough.
–16th & 2nd
Overheard by: alex duncan
Girl: I think my roommate is anorexic — she never eats, and she’s lost like 40 pounds this year.
Gay friend: Good for her!
–Dojo’s, East Village
Creepy drunk guy: I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'm going to come back and hit on you some more.
Girl to friend: I fucking hope not, I think that guy has an open wound on his arm.
–W 12th
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
Black man, waving around CDs: Excuse me, miss, would you like to buy one of my CDs?
Asian girl with boyfriend: Sorry! I'm broke!
Black man: I'm allergic to broke people. Have a good day.
–Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: kat
Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox.
–Bloomingdale's
Overheard by: yeppers
Guy: Dude, I’m not allergic to cats when I’m drunk.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Laura Tipaldo
Crazy man: Now, you probably don’t know this, but most of y’all have diabetes.
–1 train
Overheard by: bildita
Tall, skinny suit to lady suit: … What’s your sick policy? I was like, ‘Stay the fuck away from me, and don’t get me sick — that’s our sick policy!’
–13th & University
Overheard by: Dave D
Chick: I’da killed him if it wasn’t for that damn leukemia.
–9th & Smith St station
Dude: Can you get carpel tunnel of the butt?
–17th & 6th
Girl on cell: I’m like a virus. I never go away. I go away for a little bit, and you think you’re clear, and then I come back and take over your body.
–33rd & 30th, Astoria
Overheard by: brigid
Woman: Something got stuck in my sinuses, then it went down my spine and had a party.
–BBQ, UWS
