Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 3, 2007
13 Bar, Advice, Age/Aging, Airports, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Barbershop, Bars & Clubs, Bodegas, Bowery Ballroom, Buildings, Bus, CBGB, Classroom, Cruise Ship, Dean & Deluca, Delis, Duane Reade, Elevators, Empire State Building, Grand Central, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Gyms, Hospitals, Hot dog stands, Hotels, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Laundromat, Long Island City, Madison Square Garden, Movie Theaters, Museums, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Shea Stadium, Stall Spies, Starbucks, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoo Parlor, Taxis, The Bronx, The Hamptons, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Venues, Whole Foods, Yankee Stadium

Here’s an Alka-Seltzer and a Dildo

Hot male nurse: Is there anything else that’s bothering you?
Drunk girl: Yeah, I want to puke, and I need to get laid.

–Saint Luke’s Hospital

Overheard by: evie

Posted on November 30, 2006
Dildos and Vibrators, Drunks, Hospitals, Medical Workers

But I’ve Heard that’s Normal

Female doctor: How’s your baby?
Male doctor: Oh, you know — small.

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Overheard by: Blackbuttoneyes

Posted on November 23, 2006
Babies, Diet/Weight, Doctors, Height, Hospitals

Nobody Makes You Vomit but Me!

Doctor: What do you mean you vomited? When did you find the time to vomit? I don’t care if you’re in California, get on a plane back here! What do you mean, you vomited? How could you?!

–Lenox Hill Hospital

Overheard by: mademoisellezoo

Posted on September 11, 2006
Advice, Doctors, Hospitals, U.S. Geography, Vomit, Words

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?

–South Street Seaport

Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wee e

Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!

–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.

–71st Rd, Forest Hills

3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?

–13th & University

Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!

–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Jobee

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hospitals, Kids, Lower Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper East Side, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

And a Year’s Free Whispered Comments From Strangers

Arguably redeemable patient: What is the fee for breast implants?
Secretary: $1100
Arguably redeemable patient: $1100? Does that include, like, installation?

–NY Presbyterian Hospital, E 68th St

Overheard by: Johnny Drama

Posted on July 31, 2006
Boob Job, Hospitals, Money & Class

He’s Got at Least Three Out There. That I Know of.

Little girl: Mommy, can you go to the hospital and get me a baby sister?
Mother: Go ask daddy.

–Central Park

Overheard by: hbs

Posted on July 23, 2006
Babies, Central Park, Dads, Hospitals, Moms

It Was Just Wishful Thinking

ER admitting doctor with infinite patience: It’s just sore gums, probably from flossing. No need to worry.
Baroness Munchaussen: But it could get infected, right? And I could die, right?
Doctor: Has anyone ever died from this in the history of mankind? Maybe. But you could also walk out of the hospital and be hit by a bus. You have a better chance of that happening.
Baroness: So you’re saying I could die from this, and I shouldn’t leave the hospital?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room

Posted on June 3, 2006
Death, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Excellent Diagnosis!

Friend of patient: Has this woman been admitted yet? She’s been here since 6 o’clock.
Triage nurse: She’s not going to hear her name called sitting over here. She needs to be in the waiting room. They’ll call for her when they can take her.
Friend: She’s deaf.

Short pause.

Nurse: Well either way, she’s not going to hear it.

–New York Methodist Hospital, Park Slope

Overheard by: connor

Posted on May 18, 2006
Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Park Slope

She’ll Just Be Crazy Again in 15 Minutes

Crazy woman: What? Yes, send me the numbers, I’ll help you with the numbers.
Med chick: Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry.
Crazy woman: You dont have to be sorry, but if you want to make it up to me, make me some General Tso chicken and a pu pu platter…Why didn’t you call me? By the way, who the fuck is Milstein?

–Milstein Hospital, Fort Washington Avenue

Posted on April 15, 2006
Food, Hospitals, Manhattan, Washington Heights and Inwood

Hospitals